February 22, 2012 Lent

February 22, 2012

In all honesty, I've never really given Ash Wednesday or Lent much thought.  This year it seemed as though I was being a bit bombarded with information about Lent, and so I thought perhaps the Spirit was wanting to reveal more of my Father to me through this time of year.  I am still searching and praying about how to incorporate Lent into our family in a manner that lessens the attention on us as we focus more on Him.  My children are now at an age where they understand the basic concepts of sin, forgiveness and salvation and I want to be obedient to faithfully teach the principles to them while under my care.  I know that we always prepare our hearts for His birth at Christmas time, so it would seem appropriate for us to prepare out hearts for His death and resurrection which is celebrated during Easter.  I feel that too often in the busyness of the spring season, Easter sneaks up on me and we hurriedly cram the ideas of depravity, salvation, crucifixtion and resurrection within a few days time period.  Throw in a few new dress clothes, some candy bunnies and chicks, and some hard-boiled eggs for dying and there you have it.  The Village Church in Flower Mound, Texas, has a guide for families to walk through the Lent season with the focus on preparing our hearts for the death and resurrection of Christ, "Lent is about the gospel. It is a time to narrow the focus of the Church to the work of Christ, in particular His life and death, a season to turn from sin and trust in His atoning work. It is easy to get lost in the cultural caricature of Easter and miss the meaning. Lent is a reminder that the resurrection only occurred after the crucifixion. Rather than skipping over the ministry and crucifixion of Christ, Lent is a season to prepare ourselves for the joy of Resurrection Sunday as we symbolically enter the sorrow and pain which preceded it."  They break the fast part of Lent into 7 weeks with a focus each week on an area that often competes with our attention towards Christ and Christ alone.  The Lent season begins with today, Ash Wednesday.  The kids and I actually had a very nice discussion about the temptation of Christ and our depravity and absolute need for the holy sacrifice of Christ our Savior at breakfast this morning.  I stepped out of my comfort zone a bit and took an idea from Ann Voskamp to set up a place in our home where we can physically show the process of asking our Holy God for forgiveness and restoration.  The kids have taken to calling it the "forgiveness flour" but I prefer to refer to it as our Lent remembrance of our depravity and need for a Savior.  The basic idea is that the flour in the pan is an extension of the beginning of Lent with Ash Wednesday.  It is supposed to make us think of ashes or dust, the grief of our sin and the knowledge that we are all dust without a sacrificial atonement.  The scripture is open to Colossians 3:12-14 and we are supposed to kneel and acknowledge our sin in asking God for forgiveness.  We then write a word or picture of our sin in the flour, place a cross over it and then gently wipe it away as a visual reminder of our perfect forgiveness under the blood of Christ.  We can also write something that will show our forgiveness towards others.  You can read a full explanation at aholyexperience.com.  I am thankful that the Lord is continuing to show me ways to pursue His Holiness and I look forward to how He will touch the members of our family as we purposefully strive to learn more about our need for an amazing Savior this season. 

February 21, 2012 A Date with my Daughter

February 21, 2012

When faced with an errand I had to run to OKC tonight, I began to think about the people I could visit over dinner or what I could accomplish on my evening alone and away from home.  But then the Spirit reminded me that I have a home full of sweet people with whom to spend an evening, and perhaps a seemingly mundane errand could become a glimpse of gratitude.  As I've mentioned on several occasions, Emma is not extremely chatty.  Just last week she said that perhaps the reason for her non-excessive chattering was due to the extensive verbiage of her parents.  (Hmmm lessons from my daughter, another blog topic? Nah....)  While she may not talk excessively, when she does decide to speak and open up her heart and mind, it is a beautiful experience for my heart.  We had fun doing a little shopping and dinner out.  I think sometimes I forget just how meaningful focused time on one of your family members can be.  We spend so much time together living under the same roof, driving around in the same car and sharing the same experiences, it is often easy to forget the gift of purposeful time spent truly sharing with one another.  We need to not merely be in the presence of one another day in and day out, but to spend time treating those in our family as we would a long, lost friend.  I'm so thankful that the Lord has been showing me moments throughout my day that on the surface may seem like another mundane event, are true blessings if I take the time to hear and see the opportunity He's given me to share in the life of those I claim to hold so dear. 

February 20, 2012 The Awe of Creation

February 20, 2012

Remember how just yesterday I was saying that it seems when the Lord shows me even a mere glimpse of Himself as the Great I Am, He then proceeds to saturate my life with that revealed truth?  Today I woke and read a Piper devotion entitled "The Pistol Star and the Power of God- Meditation on Science, Sight, and Divine Splendor." In it he talks about the marvel of the discovery of the Pistol Star as just a glimpse of the power of our God, and yet in the scientific discovery there is no mention of God which was just as stunning to him.  He states, "The heavens are telling the glory of God and the firmament  declares the work of his hands (Psalm 19:1) Not to see the glory of God in the Pistol Star is to be blind."  He tells us to open our eyes and see to worship God as "the cosmos exists to help you know God, the Maker.  And the main message is that he is very great and that we are very small.  We need to feel this greatness."  So as I am drearily cleaning the church today surrounded by trash, bleach, and Lysol fumes, what does God pour out of the heavens but an amazing thunderstorm followed by probably the most vividly beautiful double rainbow I have ever seen.  This is just a simple photo from my phone, the rainbow before me was so full of color and depth that it just didn't even make sense to the eye that it wasn't created by markers on paper.  The best I know there really isn't any need in the world for a rainbow.  I'm pretty sure if rainbows ceased to exist the world would still continue, but there it was today as a whisper of the majesty of my Father who not only supplies my needs but pours the blessings of my cup to overflowing with things like unexpected winter thunderstorms and rainbows. 

February 19, 2012 The Joy of Humble Servanthood

February 19, 2012

I wished I could have taken a picture of the precious little boy I watched in nursery this morning, but somehow I think parental permission might be in order before launching images of sweet kiddos into the world of blogs.  I'm starting to notice something significant about this journey towards gratitude.  It seems as though when the Lord impresses a moment of thanksgiving upon me, He saturates me with this thinking for the rest of the day and often on into the week and month to come.  This morning we discussed the end of 1 Samuel in Sunday school and it seemed to me a great picture of the life of David versus Saul marked by humility and pride.  Both David and Saul are "brought low" many times in this book, but it seems that while Saul pridefully resisted the correction of God, David humbly received the correction and the mistreatment brought to him throughout the lifetime of Saul.  From the beginnings of David's life as a shepherd to serving a known enemy to running for his life, it appears as though the mark of humble dependence upon the work of God in his life is what contributed to his being a man after God's own heart.  As I look around at modern Christian leaders it seems there is a startling lack of humility in their lives.  I know that I pray for Jay to rightly discern the Word of truth, to faithfully speak it and to remain humbly dependent upon God in all things.  I've begun a new study in 1 Corinthians and the first two chapters hit you smack in the face with "For Christ did not send me to baptize but to preach the gospel, and not with words of eloquent wisdom, lest the cross of Christ be emptied of its power...For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified." (1 Corinthians 1:17; 2:2)  So how does this relate to a strange picture of a rather broken-down nursery?  Well, this morning I was just a tiny bit disgruntled at having to serve my time in the nursery.  I mean, after all, I don't have any little ones left in the nursery, right? (And Debbie doesn't have any little ones wanting to make felt flowers....) Anyway, when I showed up for baby duty there was only one little boy. The rest of the account might sound a bit arrogant but please understand that only because of the teaching, correcting and enabling of the Holy Spirit with which God had been saturating my life, was I able to proceed in obedience.  I could have easily put the little boy, Charlie, in the other nursery with all the rowdy toddlers and been on my way to listen to the sermon, but I knew that Charlie has had a rather troubling transition from the sweet side of Mommy to the stress-induced nursery.  He has stood in the corner and cried for weeks only to win escape to his frazzled young parents.  I decided my calling today was to show Charlie the joys of nursery attendance so his parents could sit among adults and participate in spiritual endeavors that don't involve wiping noses and changing diapers.  May I just say that when we obey the call of humbly serving those God has directed us to, it is such a joyful experience.  I had so much fun coaxing Charlie into trusting me and acting like a complete lunatic in order to entertain him.  His sweet little smile through those tear-stained eyes was a beautiful blessing.  And in a true form of miracle, we made it to the end of service.  It only took about 23 vanilla wafers, 37 readings of "where is the puppy?", and 43 games of peek-a-boo, but his parents emerged spiritually charged for the week and Charlie accomplished one of his very early life goals.  It is a true gift from God to be filled with His joy when serving the least of these. 

February 18, 2012 The Work of the Holy Spirit

February 18, 2012

I'm a bit hesitant to share my gratitude moment today as it is difficult to put into words that would give God glory and not man.  Obviously Annabeth had a fun meet today as Jack is so adequately pointing out the many medals hanging around her neck.  And just as obvious this is a wonderful moment for us as she has worked so hard for so long to have a fair showing at these meets.  But my true moment of gratitude came in a few sentences today that was much more subtle and much more beautiful than those shining medals.  Although Annabeth did place first on beam and fourth all-around, she still had to face a rather jolting set-back today.  She was rocking right along until those darn bars.  Annabeth and the bars have never truly bonded and today their rocky relationship reared it's ugly head.  Gymnastics is a judged sport and therefore subject to the thoughts of man.  She finished a seemingly fine bar routine but was surprised to see a 7.8 pop up on the scores.  I could tell she was very disappointed as this was an extremely low score for her, and she didn't miss any major elements.  I did the crazy Mommy hand motions from the stands hopefully telling her to brush it off and attack the next event. (It might have also looked like I was removing dandruff and contemplating stabbing someone, but I think she got the point.)  I noticed she brushed away a few quick tears and geared up for beam.  Later as we were walking hand-in-hand back to the car and talking about the meet, she said "I was pretty upset about those bars, Mom.  I really wanted to just cry and pout and not talk to any of my teammates, but then I decided to pray for God to help me with my attitude.  And then He changed my heart so I could tell them all good job and move past that bar score."  She said it fairly matter-of-fact and ran ahead to walk with her grandparents, but I stopped to cry out thanksgiving because it was a moment for me to see the Holy Spirit at work in the life of my child.  This is where it is difficult to write words that don't claim any glory for myself or Annabeth, but to offer praise that Christ is at work in the life of his children no matter how old or young they might be.  I think sometimes we see the day-to-day, mundane actions of our children; the clothes on the floor, the bickering with siblings, the talking back, and we get sidetracked from praying for God to bring them to a saving knowledge of Him and for them to truly love Him as Lord of their lives. We want to pray all those sinful actions away and forget to pray for their hearts to be owned by the one true God. Then when the Spirit does work in the life of my children, I'm amazed and shocked to see some small fruits of the work He has been doing all along. Oh me of little faith.  I think if God doesn't zap my children with perfect obedience immediately after my day of praying for them then surely something must be amiss.  The work of the Lord is not according to my plans or my time-frame, but He is faithful to bring about the completion of the salvation of His children and for this I give thanks.  I'm just so humbled and thankful that today when I could have been contemplating how to egg that judge's car, the Lord spoke through the lips of my child to show me the eternal perspective of God faithfully at work in the lives of those who call Him Lord and Savior. 

February 17, 2012 The Gift of Family

February 17, 2012

We had a nice little mini-vacation this weekend to Texas for a gymnastics meet for Annabeth.  My parents drove up from Waco, and we enjoyed the weekend together.  Today's glimpse of gratitude is the fact that as family members we really do enjoy being with one another.  That may sound strange or like a given, but as I watched my kids play for hours in the hotel pool, I was reminded of the gift that they are not merely siblings but also friends.  They can turn a hotel pool into underwater adventures and participate in endless amounts of tricks and jumps with no more than each other for entertainment.  This is a true gift from the Lord because it is often the people we are surrounded by the most that seem to know how to push our buttons and stretch our patience to the limit.  The idea of family is truly an amazing blessing from the Lord.  They are the ones I so often take for granted, but in looking back over my life, it is family that make up the sweetest of memories. 

February 16, 2012 Those Who Love My Children

February 16, 2012


Today was a day to see amazing women pour into the lives of my children.  We had our homeschool co-op today, and it is just so wonderful to see my friends loving and sharing their time with my children.  Truly one of the beautiful things about the body of Christ is watching adults share their life and love of God with children.  While our society may claim they value children, too many times it seems like we, as adults, would just prefer for them to remain busy at a distance.  There are times when we may attempt to live vicariously through them for our own purposes or simply make them show the right actions to placate our pride and sense of accomplishment in raising good children.  I know I fall into these traps at times, and so I am so thankful when the Lord shows me adults truly embracing their calling to show Christ to the little ones among us.  My Annabeth has a bit of an artistic spirit and is drawn to anything "artsy."  She loves my friend Debbie and is often her shadow at church and other events; standing right by her side like a faithful puppy.  Often I want to shoo her away in order to give my friend some peace or at least a smidgen of personal space, but Debbie always graciously makes her feel special.  Annabeth has been known to bring a handful of raggedy, broken jewelry to Debbie.  Debbie takes these odds and ends that Annabeth has found or collected and turns them into beautiful jewelry for her to wear. Today, Debbie spent several hours making felt flowers with Annabeth.  I'm sure there were many other things in Debbie's life that needed attention, but she patiently sat among scraps of fabric and strings of hot glue showing Annabeth the humble love of Christ.  What a beautiful testimony of how Christ patiently pours his love upon us as his children. 

February 15, 2012 Journals of Gratitude

February 15, 2012

This is just a little pic that brings tears to my eyes and a smile to my heart.  I love that the Spirit has moved in each of my girls to be faithful to write their own gratitude journals.  Reading their misspelled words and jumble writing is a beautiful testimony of how my daughters are also becoming my sisters in Christ.  Sometimes it is so discouraging to see my own sins and frustrating habits surface in the words and actions of my children.  My oldest daughter has my impatient voice down, but the beauty of grace is that I can walk in forgiveness as can my children when we all repent before the throne of His mercy.  It is such a beautiful gift when the Lord shows me how my obedience is being used by Him in the lives of my children.  I love how our God passes the truth of Himself from one generation to another.  I love how He is beyond our sins and our victories and is about the business of sanctifying His children for His amazing glory.  And today's gift was a beautiful reminder that He is always at work in the lives of His children, even my own. 

February 14, 2012 Singular Focus

February 14, 2012

Remember those early blog posts about how I was fearful to commit to a year of gratitude because I felt that it would surely mean facing some deep tragedy?  Yes, my eternally optimistic husband often scratches his head in wonder at my upside-down dark thinking.  So I anxiously await for the "big" crisis to come to test my commitment to gratitude when really the seemingly small, mundane doubts of everyday life consistently pluck away at removing my joy vision.  I love that God spoke to me to homeschool my children, but this is an area that the enemy uses to breed doubts and discontentment thus impairing my commitment to gratitude.  I think that in many areas of life I sometimes begin to look "out there" for comparison of the "success" of my life.  Because homeschool is such a large portion of my daily commitment at this point in my life, the little roots of unease and discontent tend to pop up in this arena.  For example, I remember having to literally pull over the car when Emma was young after driving past a school at recess time.  The reason for my sudden stop?  I was sobbing because I was robbing Emma of the joys of recess.  Oh dear, if you know Emma you know that recess would probably rank right up there with root canal for her, but all the children looked like they were just having the most life-changing experience out there and Emma was doomed to social awkwardness for the rest of her life due to the lack of corporate swinging, slides and tag.  Valentine's Day often has this same effect on my thinking.  I get a little sad and mopey because every child in the world will have cute little valentines in re-purposed cardboard boxes except my children.  (Do you see how exaggeration often plays into this slippery soap of "woe is me" thinking?)  When my vision strays from singular focus on what God has called me to do and opens to the trap of comparison thinking, gratitude and joy are quickly squelched.  This can happen in many areas of my life (I'm not working out like she is, I'm not wearing those cute clothes, I don't live in that kind of house, I'm not eating that kind of food, etc....)  If I fail to take these small seeds of thought "captive in obedience to Christ," then the weeds of anxiety, doubt and discontent begin to blossom all around me.  It seems strange that something as simple as homemade valentines can bring about these thoughts for me, but I think that is what the Lord is showing me in the quest to be grateful daily.  When I allow myself to enter into a cycle of comparison thinking, it can so easily lead me to drifting towards the exclusion of rejoicing in the Lord always.  If I hadn't prayed against those thoughts of missed Valentine parties and boxes full of "Be Mine" slips of paper this morning, I would have been a poor steward of this day.  I would have missed out on these glimpses of gratitude: a breakfast of muffins, cards and reading of 1 Corinthians 13, the excited crafting of valentines to give rather than receive, cut-out hearts stuck on doors with "I love you because" statements, an unexpected delivery of sugar cookies from sweet friends, surprise valentines in the mail from far away friends,  and beautiful concert depicting God-given love to us from a preciously talented and humble couple.  I would have put my head on the pillow at the end of the day restlessly thinking I had missed out on so much instead of praising God for so much that He had given. 

February 13, 2012 Big Fun in a Little Snow; A Lesson for Mommy

February 13, 2012

Meet Snowy the miniature snowgirl.  She was lovingly crafted from one inch of snow and an hour of fun.  Of course, I didn't see her coming because I awoke with different expectations of the day.  I'm not sure why I get excited for snow days; it's not like I ever leave my house, but I have a tendency to rank snow days right up there with Christmas.  It may stem from the fact that snow days are some of my favorite childhood memories.  We lived on a hill in Fayetteville, Arkansas, and snow days meant hours of sledding. You know those old fashioned sleds with the wooden slats and metal runners?  Ah, I just dated myself but I don't care because those were the best!  When I close my eyes, I can still feel that ice-cold wind and those bottom-hurting bumps all the way down Oaks Manor Drive.  My mom would take the 45 minutes it took to dress us appropriately and my dad would always spend a large portion of the day sledding down the hill and dragging the sled back up, over and over.  Mom would watch from the front window and have hot chocolate ready when the frozen little bodies finally called it a day.  So the open schools, wet streets, dripping roofs and inch of snow today didn't exactly support my rather crazed enthusiasm for snow day memories.  I was a bit of a grouch as I told the kids they could go play for a bit before school but it probably wouldn't be much fun.  Of course, I've learned a lot of lessons at the dish-washing sink this year, and today was no exception.  As I washed the breakfast dishes, I glanced out the window much like Eeyore looking for his tail.  What I saw was my two youngest children rolling around in bits of snow, tossing snowballs at each other, playing tag and yelling in delight as they pelted dad's car pulling away from the house with chunks of slushy ice.  They went on a grand adventure in the creation of Snowy; hard to believe three little blobs of ice could have such a full life!  Those two little ones looked at the gift of God's creation and took delight, while their mother wasted the day by wishing for more.  It wasn't enough that while I slept, God froze tiny drops of moisture into unique miniscule patterns and covered my portion of the earth.  He gave me breath to exhale under a pile of warm blankets and warm pumpkin muffins with steaming hot coffee to open my day.  A quiet morning to not rush around and excited kids ready to embrace another day the Lord had made.  Mumbles of complaint were my response.  While I was preparing a semi-permanent home for Snowy in the depths of my freezer, I asked the Lord for forgiveness and rested in His mercy.  Sometimes on the journey towards gratitude I feel like one of my children during those early years of discipline; when I would put my hands on each of their little cheeks and say "Look me in the eyes" while they did things with their eyeballs I wouldn't have imagined possible nearly looking at the inside of their little disobedient brains trying to avoid contact with the corrector.  Some days are like that with me and my gentle Corrector- "Look me in the eyes my child and sing praise, no matter what sing my amazing praise."  Thank you Lord for three chunks of dirty snow making residence in my freezer that remind me to give thanks for all the days you've poured upon my life.

February 12, 2012 Praying In All Things

February 12, 2012

I think I am the only person in the world who is plagued with allergies whenever snow is in the near future.  I have no idea what part of the snowflake I am adverse too, but it certainly causes havoc on my head and sinuses.  That being said, I've had a marathon headache which makes my head feel about 200 times too heavy for my body.  As I was throwing a few pain reliever pills down my throat, I thought of something that struck Jay during a mission trip to Cambodia several years ago.  The people he was working with mentioned that prayer is so essential to their lives because they honestly have no other resources to compete with the attention we should all be giving to prayer.  When ibuprofen is not available, you learn to pray over those headaches.  I never even considered praying for my headache because there is a bottle of pills in my medicine cabinet.  How much of my life should be brought to his throne of grace but since it seems as though I am in control, the thought of seeking Christ in it never crosses my mind?  Once when Jay was preaching through the Lord's prayer, he spent significant time on "Give us this day our daily bread."   He mentioned that this is actually one of the most difficult parts of the Lord's prayer because we, for the most part, can provide for ourselves a loaf of bread.  We run to Christ during the difficult times, we cry out in the crisis as we should, but what about the little needs of every day life?  We too often presume upon our own abilities to take care of the seemingly mundane, when the reality is that we need Christ in all moments of our lives.  From headaches, to sandwiches, to kindly-spoken words, may I bring all to His throne of grace acknowledging Him as the Giver of all things and the One to rely upon in all things.  Thank  you Lord for a headache that brings me back to the realization of Your message to "pray at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication." (Ephesians 6:18) 

February 11, 2012 The Bee Pillow Re-visited

February 11, 2012

There's a silly little story about a sweet little bee pillow that I wrote a couple of years ago in regards to my Momma-heart hurting when Annabeth didn't get a ribbon at the fair for a bee pillow that she designed and made and turned in with expectant heart.  Bee pillow meet RA car racer.  Emma asked me the other day, "Mom, why do you cry over things like bee pillows, gymnastics, and blue fingernails?"  I tried to tell her that although I'm a bit cynical and always seem to be preparing everyone for possible disappointment, I just go to Momma-mush when their little expectant hearts get hurt.  They can neglect to tie their shoes and fall to receive gashes and bruises; I brush them off and send them on their way.  Upset over bad grades or piano lessons gone wrong? Well, study harder; practice more.  But work all week on designing and painting your own little car to come home empty-handed, and I'm a blubbering idiot. 

My dining room table is still full of paint tubes, brushes, and scratch paper.  Jay and Jack spent several nights this week designing his car for the RA Racer Derby today.  They sketched and practiced and created to Jack's very specific specifications.  Jack lost two races and won one, so it wasn't a total bust, but Jay noticed that he wanted to stay until the very end.  He seemed to be a bit hesitant when everyone was packing it up, and Jay said it was time to go.  When Jay questioned him about his hesitancy, he said, "They haven't given out the design trophies yet, Dad."  Jay answered, "Yes they have Buddy. Remember the truck and the cool red car with the pipes on it?"  Jack's face immediately fell and down he looked with quivering lip.  After some father-son consoling, they got in the car to drive home.  After a bit of driving, Jack's little voice said, "I bet they probably didn't see the cool faces I painted on the missiles because the wheels covered them up.  I bet that's it."   He was still pretty shaky when he got home to me and crawled in my lap for a little comfort.  Of course, I rallied and proclaimed how proud I was and immediately face-timed Nana because I knew she would rant and rave over his precious designer car.  Then I went to my room and cried.  But of course once I released some of those crazy Mommy hormones, I sought to view even a little race car with eyes of gratitude.  And the Spirit brought to mind every hand that touched that car.  A small group of boys meet weekly with never-ending prayer requests and more energy than the makers of Red Bull to learn about God through the RA program.  A very special teacher leaves a full-work day in the middle of the week to enter into the chaos of hyper-active boys, but patiently listens, corrects, teaches and explains.  The boys work together and then the cars come home for parents to spend time designing and painting those finishing touches.  A church opens it doors to offer children a place to race little cars and build a day of memories.  And every time Jay looks at that little car in our living room, he smiles.  As he told Jack, "Buddy, we'll build more cars and they'll look even cooler as we learn more and more, but this little car will always be my favorite because it was our first one to do together."  I'm not sure why I get so worked up over life's little disappointments, why even now there are tears running down my face.  But I do know that in Christ there are no disappointments.  Nothing about God ever falls short.  Stopping to think about the blessed consistency of Christ fills me with a humble awe. There will be no pain, no tears, no hurt in Heaven and even on earth our Savior is about our good and His glory.  We serve a Living God who never fails.  So that would be a lie when I said Jack came home empty-handed.  He has a father on earth who patiently sketched faces on missiles and a random number 16 on top of a little wooden car, and he has a Father in heaven who is about the purpose of sanctification already in his young life, and while he may face temporary disappointments on this earth, he can hold tightly to the beautiful promise of eternity at the throne of a never-failing God. 

February 10, 2012 Date Nights In

February 10, 2012

Jack had his second "spend the night" tonight and the girls had a slumber party as well so......date night with the husband!!!  We thought about getting all dressed up and going to the city to eat and maybe catch a movie, but then it got cold and we got lazy and we ended up sitting in our big red chair eating take-home Mexican food and watching a movie.  It was perfect!  What a blessing to truly enjoy the one-on-one company of your spouse.  I snapped this picture of Jack because he was so darn cute and so excited to be heading off on his own little adventure.  My heart was full and kind of sad at how fast time has passed.  You hear it all the time, but then you turn around and they all brush their own teeth and dress themselves and quite frankly, could pretty much "make-it" without your constant hovering.  So as soon as all my baby birdies headed out with their friends, I turned around to see the friend I started this adventure with so many years ago.  I still like him.  I am so thankful that as busy as life is and as much as we pour into our children, we still prefer each other.  I can't even explain the love I have for my children, but Jay is the one the Lord gave me to honor, cherish and love every day of this life we have together.   One day when the nest is empty and the house is way too quite, my prayer is that we still look forward to take-out food, cozy nights in and that we feel just as blessed sitting in our big red chair as we did tonight.

February 9, 2012 The Simplest of Things

February 9, 2012

We could all easily name 25 things right now to put on our thankful list.  The items would all be similar....shelter, food, loved ones, health.  So on some days I pray to see all and rejoice in all.  To truly offer heartcries of thanksgiving for things assumed.   Small things that bring me to humble gratitude.  For instance, my children read.  If you stop to think about what the mind has to do first to speak a language then to write that language and then to read that language, it is a miracle; especially for Jack. He would definitely be medicated in a regular classroom.  Math is often him on a bouncy ball saying, "6 plus 3....6 plus 3....hmmmmm....wait! don't say it....6 plus 3..(long pause of bouncing and staring at the heavens for help)...got it! 9!...(drop pencil or scratch eye or notice a fly on the wall)....what was I doing?...oh yeah, 6 plus 3....hmmmm...6 plus 3..."  So I rejoice when no one is permanently injured during the mathematical process in Sampson Hall.  When I glanced up today and saw him voluntarily reading during a break in school, my heart was happy.  Of course, it's Star Wars and I considered swapping R2D2 out for Hamlet before I snapped the picture, but I'll just rejoice with the moment given me.  Here are some of the other small gifts of gratitude that hide under the food, shelter, loved ones and health.

Speaking thousands of words with my husband by one simple shared smile


One little peanut M&M saved and brought to me in pocket from sweet Annabeth


The bowed head and diligent tapping of Emma's pencil over those darn fractions


New highlights in hair from a friend


Unexpected sharing of hearts over coffee


An excited little voice counting down sleeps until his second "spend the night"


Sweet "luv u, good nite" texts from an upstairs room


Blankets piled high for snuggled-in warmth


Speaking those last sleepy thoughts of the day to a Savior who loves me beyond my understanding

February 8, 2012 Persistent Pursuit

February 8, 2012

Those of you who know me are getting a wee chuckle out of the fact that there is a dog in my picture of gratitude. Those of you who don't, I won't elaborate as you will wane in your estimation of me if you knew there might be a slight aversion to animals on my part.  This is Snickers and she is rather.....odd.  Saying that, she is a perfect fit for our family.  My children, in the not-to-distant-past, had a fear of dogs that would make the Boogie Man drool with envy.  They could literally scale a human to a precarious perch on one's shoulders should a playful puppy be within a mile of their presence.  So a non-verbal, anti-social, reclusive dog (she doesn't bark, withdraws from human contact and spend the majority of her life under my bed) was the perfect family pet for us.  All of that being said, Snickers has three moments a day when she will draw on all her courage to join our family - meal time.  The mere opening of the refrigerator is like a clearance sale for my husband....irresistible.  Under cover of table, she sits and waits for drops of food.  All fears seem to suddenly dissipate as any lap will suddenly do for human contact.  Today as she was begging food once again, I thought that she was a perfect visual for my thanksgiving.  There is a thread of the pursuit of a persistent walk with Christ that the Spirit has been teaching me lately.  I'm finishing Hebrews with the charges of considering Christ, running the race, avoiding the neglecting of my salvation, and fighting the drifting of my faith.  I'm sitting before him with prayers for others that seem at the end of human utterances.  My  Bible study women discussed the end of Hebrews 12 tonight, the seemingly long but beautiful process of the training of discipline that produces the peaceful fruits of righteousness.  So the continued clinging to Christ and tenacity of persistent prayer has been an instruction to my heart.  I rebel at this because I don't like long processes.  I want immediate answers, and frankly, it is very humbling to remain in a dependent state.  I look at Snickers every stinking day under the table and think, "Have you no pride dog? You have a bowl of dog food over there, what makes you think you should receive a scrap of steak?"  These thoughts make me think of the persistent friend (Luke 11:5-8) and the bothersome widow (Luke 18:5).  The Spirit-given gift to remain humbly persistent and to know the faithfulness of our Savior to us throughout every moment of this seemingly long life are beautiful gifts.  John Piper states, "There is a reason why Jesus not only calls us to simplicity and brevity, but also to persistency and tenacity.  The demand for prevailing prayer exposes those who pray in a passing way, as if they are just trying to cover all their bases.  They are not looking to God as their only hope.   They are trying God out alongside other resources.  Such praying does not prevail."  I'm so thankful to serve a God who not only demands that He is my only hope but also supplies the grace to walk in that persistently, daily depending on Him.  And by the way, I'm Snicker's favorite and I don't think that has any connection to the food I'm faithful to drop to the floor meal after meal.

February 7, 2012 Hearing the Gratitude

February 7, 2012

Today you have to "hear" the glimpse of gratitude as that has been what the Spirit has revealed to me on my daily search for joy in all things.  The sounds of my day.  I've been mindful to truly "hear" today the gifts that He has poured upon me.

• A beeping coffee pot left programed by my husband to entice me to waking
• Soft snores of my son as I snuggled up close to welcome him to another beautiful day
• The absence of Jack's daily complaint about school as we have been diligent to pray over that sin area of his life together
• Recitation of Scripture
• The sound of a text from a friend sharing an encouraging scripture
• Giggles of girls
• The words of a friend over lunch confessing, encouraging, spurring one another on to the pursuit of Christ in all things
• Sounds of greeting to welcome Dad home
• The agreeable "sure Mom" when I asked Emma to help me clean the church
• "Swing Lo, Sweet Chariot" sung in the shower by my silly Annabeth
• The abundance of ninja-fights, ray guns, space ships and boxing matches that occur in my living room daily via one very imaginative little boy
• Such seemingly simple phrases, "How was your day?" "Thank you" "I love you"
• Whispered re-countings of the day ending with the soft prayers of children

As my fingers have worked to capture the gratitude in written form, the thanksgivings of each day thus far, there often seems to be a gentle whisper of correction as well.  On the journey to gratitude therein also lies the beauty of reminders of obedience.  There have been many noises today that I might not have found so lovely.  The bickering of children, the long story that was interfering with my task at hand, the electronic game, the constant humming during school (don't ask, it's a homeschool thing :), but do I only receive the noises I find refreshing and merely be annoyed or frustrated by the other sounds of my day?  Is there perhaps purpose in the sounds of my day that might otherwise merely aggravate, distract or bring me to quick temper?  Shouldn't I also take a moment to praise God for the ability to hear His corrective voice? And in those moments, draw upon His gift of grace as His love pours out of me upon those who are breaking up the "blessed silence" of my life?  To hear as the Spirit would have me hear, "giving thanks in all circumstances for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." (1 Thes 5:18)

February 6, 2012 The Prayers of Sisters

February 6, 2012

Today I was able to pray over a sister in Christ about her upcoming adoption of a precious boy from Africa.  As I heard the words of women spoken over this sweet friend and the utterances of petitions covering from Shawnee, Oklahoma, to an orphanage in Ethiopia, I was awed by the incredible gift of prayer and the sovereignty of God in the design of the lives of His children.  The path hasn't been easy as there have been trials that this family would not have chosen to walk through on their journey to holding a new son, but the preservation and provision of God is amazing.  Sometimes as I write these journal entries soft songs are sung in my mind.  I'm thinking now of the simple children's song, "He's Got the Whole World in His Hands."  Do I  truly realize the depth of the power of Creator and Sustainer of all of life as  he brings about His good and perfect plan in the life of His children?  He created a precious boy a continent away who has a room and clothes and toys and, most importantly, a family who worships the one true God waiting for him in America.  He created a family and revealed the need of the orphans and oppressed and supplied the faith and the strength to follow in obedience supplying all their needs through Christ Jesus.  What a beautiful picture in this life of the amazing adoption given to us by our gracious Heavenly Father.  And then he gives us, as His precious body, the opportunity to boldly approach His throne of grace to lay the petitions, requests, praises and thanksgivings at His feet of provision.  Lately, I've been praying for friends in seemingly very dark and discouraging days and while my own words fail, the words of Scripture are the truths we need to hear.  God is good.  He is provider, comforter, the beginning and the end.   He is your Shepherd and your Abba Father.  His love for us is incomprehensible.  Lord, please continue to remind me of the gift of prayer and to continue to see the amazing way you personally and intricately work in the life of your redeemed children.

February 5, 2012 The Emptiness of Worldy Treasures

February 5, 2012

I've been in bed all day with fever, headache and general malaise.  I don't do sick well (remember my constant need for accomplishment from yesterday?)  So staying in bed all day was rather daunting.  I tend to chat my way through most Superbowl events, but seeing as how my dog was the only one in my presence and I'm not that far gone yet, I watched a bit more of the game than I usually do.  Most of the game was entertaining enough with creative commercials but some of them were a bit shocking to me.  I kind of winced through some of them and couldn't figure out why my spirit was so bothered until I glanced to my side and saw my daily reading devotional book by John Piper, Taste and See Savoring the Supremacy of God in All of Life.  Now I like football and enjoy occasional television obviously, but today I am so deeply thankful for the Spirit within me that reveals to me the truth of the empty promises of the world and more importantly, brings me to a hunger and thirst for righteousness.  Nothing in me wants to bathe in a tub of gold coins or finds it appropriate for half-naked people to attempt to persuade me to buy their products.  I so easily get caught up in the pursuit of worldly goods, and while I am so deeply grateful for the blessings God has lavishly poured upon my life, I am also humbly thankful for seeing the futility of pursuing that which will eventually rot and decay.  From ice cold cokes to Superbowl trophies, it will all one day be mere dust at the feet of my Savior for whom every knee will bow and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.  What a blessing to know where our eyes should be trained to see, the path our feet should walk upon and the knowledge of the only One in all creation worthy of our praise!

February 4, 2012 Charades, Clue and Chaos

February 4, 2012

I have two issues that often rob me of the joy of the moment.  For one, there is always something I feel that I need to be doing- prepping for school, cleaning the house, laundry, making to-do lists, etc.  There is something messed-up in my brain that says, "If you aren't accomplishing something then clearly you are failing."  The other issue is thinking that "fun" should always be planned or thinking that everyone else in the whole world is together having a big party and we're the only ones not invited.  Part of the journey towards gratitude in all things for me is to actually stop long enough to even attempt to see what is right before me.  A Saturday night with no plans and kids hanging around on the couch?  Family game night is the joy.  Sure there are dishes in the sink and laundry piled around and I may be getting a cold, but there are also giggles to be heard, snuggles to be felt, and the sheer pleasure of watching Jack get so excited to act out the word "band" that he can barely  keep his feet on the ground.  Jumping charades is his specialty.  Playing Clue may indeed prompt Jay and I to go find our own trophy-to-turn-weapon, but our kids actually enjoy us.  They set down everything to act out the word "trumpet" and solve a pretend murder.  And they take genuine joy in being together as a family.  What an amazing blessing!  The teasing, the laughing and the joking around are liquid in my over-flowing cup from the Lord.  To think, it was almost missed because of a pile of dirty dishes!

February 3, 2012 Open-Handed Prayer

February 3, 2012

I awoke throughout the night with some old feelings of fear and anxiety.  It's been awhile since I've sat up in dark night catching my breath, heart racing, jaw clenched, and closed fists....always hands closed tightly.  The sins of worry, anxiety, fear pressing in for center stage.  It's been months since I've felt this way.  Last summer these feelings were daily matches to wrestle, lay down, pick back up, shrink back, fight again.  Some of the concerns are rationally so trivial; some heavy spiritual burdens. When you are a constant thinking, analyzer, ponderer, the mind is a battlefield in which entertaining even one thought of worry will threaten to destroy all consideration of gratitude.  How great is the faithfulness of the Lord.  He made my mind, my personality that veers toward the melancholy and He holds me in His hands telling me to open mine.  To pray with open hands, not my will but Yours.  Those pockets of doubt I find and clasp.  I hold tight for protection? Control? Why would I ever want to control my own life?  When I serve the Great I Am of all protection and comfort and rest, why would I fight to step away from thinking I could choose better?  When I peel back the fingers of His creation and kneel before My Father, He reveals the truth of daily salvation.  I am His.  He is good and loving and kind.  I am not saved from mere damnation of eternity but saved to daily living in His amazing grace!  I get to live knowing the Author of all things and He is my Abba Father.  Trust in the Father, open my hands and give to Him every last care.  The key to daily joy and gratitude?  Not my will but Your good, perfect, holy will that brings all things to your glory and my good under the perfect blood of Christ. 

February 2, 2012 Like Father, Like Son

February 2, 2012

One of the things that I love about this personal quest for gratitude in all things is the fact that my children have also enjoyed watching my journey to joyful thanksgiving.  All day Jack has been asking me about what my grateful picture will be today.  When I asked him why he was so curious he said, "Because I've seen a lot you could take pictures of- the girls rolling up the trashcans for you, the Valentine card I made for you, the kids in co-op making crafts."  It seems he may be gaining gratitude vision of his own!  As I was driving around running errands today, I had been wondering about my gratitude picture as well.  Sometimes I get a little panicked that I've made this commitment, after all, December 31 is rather far away.  Once in awhile, I entertain those little seeds of doubt, will I really see something every single day to offer up for thanksgiving?   What a ridiculous lie.  Just driving around town today, I was resting in His joy.  In the midst of disappointments, crazy schedules, nagging headaches, and traffic lights, I am His and I am blessed.  After confessing these thoughts and praising His faithfulness, I drove around the corner to see Jay and Jack playing ball.  What a sweet sight!  I love watching the relationship between my husband and my son.  Besides being genetic clones, they have a bond completely foreign to the girls and myself.  Body functions take on a whole new level of hilarity, wrestling is an everyday occurrence in which Mom yells, "Be gentle, he's just a little boy", and apparently you can participate in amazing father-son bonding without ever speaking but by simply holding a Wii remote in your hand battling side-by-side against Lego Darth Vader.  Jack had no problem pointing out a few of my flaws last night (a wee bit snappish with the kids at times) but not his Daddy, nope Daddy was perfect; no complaints there!  Of course, his human father will fail him, but I love that when Jay does fail he humbly points Jack to the Father who never fails.  He models respect, kindness, serving, trusting and the humble pursuit of Christ.  And he's taught him a few funny jokes along the way.....oh yeah, and how to make the most of those body functions.  The joy of a father and a son.

February 1, 2012 Little Acts of Kindness

February 1, 2012

Today, I don't feel so well and I am a wee bit on edge.  I had to take a muscle relaxer for a bit of shoulder pain last night and the whole day has been behind and it's taken great effort to make it to that moment of climbing in my comfy bed with that precious sigh of relief.  So with my gratitude effort being a bit challenged, I've needed to see the many tiny acts of kindness the Lord sends me daily.  You know those days when the frustrations make themselves abundantly clear but the beautiful graces can only be seen with a spiritual vision adjustment? 
Jay sets the pot of coffee to "auto on" if I am still groggy when he leaves in the morning and made a special trip to bring breakfast home for us all.
A friend sent an affirming, "spur one another on" text: "Hey friend... just thinking about our gift...joy...in this meaningless repetition lets open it for today." 
Annabeth had a fun lunch out with a sweet family.
Jack said, "You know what? I love you Mommy." 
A new friend complimented the beauty of my children.
Emma folded a pile of laundry with a sweet spirit.
A couple of women set up the chairs for Bible study before anyone arrived.
Another friend gave a simple but meaningful "thank-you" after Bible study was over.
My parents generously give to our family so the kids can learn to play the piano.
A friend mistakenly threw a pair of Jack's shoes away when cleaning the church, but she dug through the trash in the pitch black night to retrieve them.
Annabeth tagged along to the grocery store with me and helped with that monotonous task.
My husband took care of all the bedtime needs of the children without complaint so I could rest.

Lord, correct my spirit when the focus becomes all about my comfort and ease.   Show me how your tender loving kindness surrounds me every moment and bring my mouth to confess Your greatness in all things.