I awoke throughout the night with some old feelings of fear and anxiety. It's been awhile since I've sat up in dark night catching my breath, heart racing, jaw clenched, and closed fists....always hands closed tightly. The sins of worry, anxiety, fear pressing in for center stage. It's been months since I've felt this way. Last summer these feelings were daily matches to wrestle, lay down, pick back up, shrink back, fight again. Some of the concerns are rationally so trivial; some heavy spiritual burdens. When you are a constant thinking, analyzer, ponderer, the mind is a battlefield in which entertaining even one thought of worry will threaten to destroy all consideration of gratitude. How great is the faithfulness of the Lord. He made my mind, my personality that veers toward the melancholy and He holds me in His hands telling me to open mine. To pray with open hands, not my will but Yours. Those pockets of doubt I find and clasp. I hold tight for protection? Control? Why would I ever want to control my own life? When I serve the Great I Am of all protection and comfort and rest, why would I fight to step away from thinking I could choose better? When I peel back the fingers of His creation and kneel before My Father, He reveals the truth of daily salvation. I am His. He is good and loving and kind. I am not saved from mere damnation of eternity but saved to daily living in His amazing grace! I get to live knowing the Author of all things and He is my Abba Father. Trust in the Father, open my hands and give to Him every last care. The key to daily joy and gratitude? Not my will but Your good, perfect, holy will that brings all things to your glory and my good under the perfect blood of Christ.
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