February 14, 2012 Singular Focus

February 14, 2012

Remember those early blog posts about how I was fearful to commit to a year of gratitude because I felt that it would surely mean facing some deep tragedy?  Yes, my eternally optimistic husband often scratches his head in wonder at my upside-down dark thinking.  So I anxiously await for the "big" crisis to come to test my commitment to gratitude when really the seemingly small, mundane doubts of everyday life consistently pluck away at removing my joy vision.  I love that God spoke to me to homeschool my children, but this is an area that the enemy uses to breed doubts and discontentment thus impairing my commitment to gratitude.  I think that in many areas of life I sometimes begin to look "out there" for comparison of the "success" of my life.  Because homeschool is such a large portion of my daily commitment at this point in my life, the little roots of unease and discontent tend to pop up in this arena.  For example, I remember having to literally pull over the car when Emma was young after driving past a school at recess time.  The reason for my sudden stop?  I was sobbing because I was robbing Emma of the joys of recess.  Oh dear, if you know Emma you know that recess would probably rank right up there with root canal for her, but all the children looked like they were just having the most life-changing experience out there and Emma was doomed to social awkwardness for the rest of her life due to the lack of corporate swinging, slides and tag.  Valentine's Day often has this same effect on my thinking.  I get a little sad and mopey because every child in the world will have cute little valentines in re-purposed cardboard boxes except my children.  (Do you see how exaggeration often plays into this slippery soap of "woe is me" thinking?)  When my vision strays from singular focus on what God has called me to do and opens to the trap of comparison thinking, gratitude and joy are quickly squelched.  This can happen in many areas of my life (I'm not working out like she is, I'm not wearing those cute clothes, I don't live in that kind of house, I'm not eating that kind of food, etc....)  If I fail to take these small seeds of thought "captive in obedience to Christ," then the weeds of anxiety, doubt and discontent begin to blossom all around me.  It seems strange that something as simple as homemade valentines can bring about these thoughts for me, but I think that is what the Lord is showing me in the quest to be grateful daily.  When I allow myself to enter into a cycle of comparison thinking, it can so easily lead me to drifting towards the exclusion of rejoicing in the Lord always.  If I hadn't prayed against those thoughts of missed Valentine parties and boxes full of "Be Mine" slips of paper this morning, I would have been a poor steward of this day.  I would have missed out on these glimpses of gratitude: a breakfast of muffins, cards and reading of 1 Corinthians 13, the excited crafting of valentines to give rather than receive, cut-out hearts stuck on doors with "I love you because" statements, an unexpected delivery of sugar cookies from sweet friends, surprise valentines in the mail from far away friends,  and beautiful concert depicting God-given love to us from a preciously talented and humble couple.  I would have put my head on the pillow at the end of the day restlessly thinking I had missed out on so much instead of praising God for so much that He had given.