When I first started this journey, I wrote on numerous occasions about my anxiousness in giving gratitude in all things but especially if I have to face a heartbreak of some sort. Today is another one of those days that I keep retreating into my head; battling those doubts of the mind. Hence the absence of a picture since I couldn't figure out a way to take a snapshot of the inner workings of my mind. I've already had to confess this a couple of times so far this year, and it's only March, so clearly this will be a battle in my desire to express gratitude in every moment of my most blessed life. It's amazing how looking back over my life with Christ, when the heartbreaking moments have come I truly have felt “held close” by my Savior. It's in the moments when I'm brought face-to-ground that I know the truth of the amazing peace from my Abba Father that surpasses my understanding. When I've called out for the comfort, guidance and love of my Savior, He's given me the gift of genuine faith of my own, not the mere mimicry of the faith of those around me. So today as little thoughts fight to claim root in my mind, I must confess to worry and doubt while clinging to the victory that is mine as a child of the Living God. Kevin DeYoung writes in his book Just Do Something concerning Matthew 6:25-34:
The big idea of this passage could not be any clearer, Jesus does not want us to worry about the future. God knows what we need to live. When He wants us to die, we will die. And as long as He wants us to live, we will live. He will provide us with the food , drink, jobs, housing, with everything that we need to live and glorify Him in this life until He wants us to glorify Him by dying. Worrying and fretting and obsessing about the future, even if it is a pseudo-holy worry that attempts to discern the will of God, will not add one single hour to your life, and it will certainly not add any happiness or holiness either.
Worry and anxiety are not merely bad habits or idiosyncrasies. They are sinful fruits that blossom from the root of unbelief. Jesus doesn't treat obsession with the future as a personal quirk, but as evidence of little faith (vs 30). Worry and anxiety reflect our hearts' distrust in the goodness and sovereignty of God. Worry is a spiritual issue and must be fought with faith. We must fight to believe that God has mercy for today's troubles and, no matter what may come tomorrow, that God will have new mercies for tomorrow's troubles. (Lamentations 3:22-23). God's way is not to show us what tomorrow looks like or even to tell us what decisions we should make tomorrow. That's not His way because that's not the way of faith. God's way is to tell us that He knows tomorrow, He cares for us, and therefore, we should not worry.
Today the battle is those tiny seeds of discontentment and worry. The battle that rages really comes down to my desire for control in my life. Although I confess with my lips that all control belongs to Christ, the essence of my daily agitations is when I feel as though things are not going my way and to my pleasing. I know in my head how foolish it would be if I really was given control of all things; nothing good would come from that, and yet I still raise my little fist in rebellion when I feel as though my world has been disrupted. Today I am so thankful that the Spirit has imparted truth to my soul when those tiny yet dangerous darts from the enemy attempt to rally my desire to put myself on the throne of my life; I know the true holy throne to approach with full confession and restoration. The battle is His and the victory has already been won, may I live with that faith fully taking root in every moment of my life.
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