January 31, 2012 Schooling in Your Jammies

January 31, 2012

Yep, that's school at it's finest around here.  Often when my kids complain about school, my reaction is, "Really, what part is bothersome to you? Eating goldfish at your desk, wearing your Star Wars pajamas, taking math breaks to jump on the trampoline, or just the general stress of staying at home for your education?"  Of course, naughty behavior is sometimes followed by ranting, crazy mom saying, "You think this is bad?  You want to see what real school is like?  Well, just put some clothes on and I'll drive you on down there right now! And no, you can't take your stuffed Micky Mouse!"  Today, I truly am thankful that I have the blessing of homeschooling my children.  This was never something that entered my mind until Emma had completed her kindergarten year at a Christian school.  She has a June birthday so I was spending time praying over the direction to either send her on to first grade or have her repeat kindergarten. I also had a three year old and a baby and was rather discouraged by those late night feedings, dirty diapers, harried days and whiny tears.  One day as I was in some sort of desperate prayer mode freaking out about making a decision for Emma, the Spirit told me (yes, told me because this was a truly strange thing for me to hear) that as I was struggling to enjoy the blessing of the life He had given me, I needed to homeschool to sacrifice myself on a journey toward enjoying the tremendous gift of my family.  I realized that I was merely living for the moments of relief- five o'clock for Jay to return home, nap-time to recuperate, weekends for a little "me" time.  Now days with little ones do require help and assistance and definite moments of recuperation, but for me, it went back to that old issue of idolatry.  I was preferring my sleep, my comfort, my control, and my time over honoring God with an incredibly blessed life.  His solution was to immerse me closely to the blessings while working on my character to relinquish control through the avenue of homeschooling.  Some days are incredibly frustrating, sometimes I snap at my children, sometimes my children don't exactly cooperate, but I can truthfully say that as the Lord has called me in this direction, He has supplied His amazing peace and joy in something I would have never fathomed. So tomorrow when Jack whines, "Do we have to do school today?"  And Annabeth takes a phenomenally long time to complete a math sheet and Emma escalates to frustration over an in-depth writing assignment, I will remember the blessings and praise my Father for breaking me in order to rest in all the joy that He has poured upon me.

January 30, 2012 Godly Friendships

January 30, 2012

I have always been rather independent.  As a typical introverted, melancholy thinker, I am not exactly the life of the party.  I've also got a bit of that type-A personality.  You know the kind that pre-school teachers write about in progress reports:  "Amy is bright and cooperative.  She does her work well and in a timely manner.  She enjoys organizing other children's play." Yes, I'm that kid.  I could stay in my home in my comfy clothes with just my precious family for longer than should be normal.  So I think there have been times in my life when I have falsely bought into the lie that independence from others is a good thing.  That always maintaining a distance, never opening up to the vulnerability that comes with letting others poke around in my life, and remaining aloof "knowing" many but being known by few is an appropriate way to live within the body of Christ.  Several months ago, I read an article by Noel Piper, an introvert that craves alone time as well, in which she discusses the value of friendships and how it was late in her life until she discovered that friends are true gifts from God.  Here are a few thoughts from her article. 

Over the years, when my husband and I have tried to untangle some of the snarls in my life, sometimes he’s ventured to ask, “Noël, don’t you think it might help to have some women around you to offer other perspectives and to pray for you and maybe give some helpful suggestions?”
I knew he must be right because King Solomon said the same thing, and his wisdom was so phenomenal it left the Queen of Sheba breathless (1 Kings 10:1–13). His writings in the Bible are even called Wisdom Literature. So I thought it probably would be wise for me to pay attention when Solomon says in Ecclesiastes 4:9–10a that it’s good to have friends because they support each other: “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow.”  In fact, Solomon goes on to say we’re in trouble if we don’t have friends: “Woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!” (4:10b). He says friends watch out for each other’s needs: “If two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone?” (4:11). And friends share their strength against adversity: “Though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him — a threefold cord is not quickly broken” (4:12).
So my mouth said to my husband, “That’s a wise idea.” But my heart cringed at the thought of letting people close enough to poke around in my weaknesses, my mistakes, my faults, and my inadequacies. I decided that I needed to get my life sorted out, then I could include friends —someday, when I could be a giver instead of a taker. “I ought to be able to manage all this,” I thought.

 She goes on to discuss how a counselor told her to contact four Godly women to begin living openly with by the next day and how those friendship were a true healing ointment provided by the Lord for her life. 

In that session and in the days to come, as these friends opened themselves to me, my heart warmed to them and I felt more and more freedom with them. We came to trust each other with the tender places of our hearts.
In Proverbs 27:9, Solomon might have been writing about my friends: “Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel.” God used them to make my heart glad with their contemporary versions of practical oil and luxurious perfume: homemade bread, excellent coffee, brilliant bouquets, lunches together, and meals for my family.
God showed Himself in the deep wisdom that sprang from their lives’ stories of widowhood, life-threatening disease, physical disability, and victory over severe obesity.......I am still an introvert. My dream day still is a day by myself, but only once in a while. I thank God for the women he gave me when I needed to receive friendship. I pray that God will shape my heart to give friendship like they do — like Jesus told us to: “By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:35). Jesus said, “I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you” (John 15:15). He is the one I most want as a friend. I don’t want ever to be totally alone, without Jesus. I thank God for friends who have shown me Jesus’ kind of love. They have been an appetizer for the feast of Jesus’ friendship. 
(http://www.ligonier.org/learn/articles/appetizer-feast/)

I loved her words and I remember praying for God to show me Himself in the beautiful women he has placed in my life.  I am truly blessed by many friends who love me, laugh with me, cry with me, encourage and correct me, and lift me up to our Heavenly Father.  Some of these women are newer friendships and some I have known for many years.  We try to meet together every couple of months for dinner even in the midst of busy lives and crazy schedules.  Tonight when we all sat around the table, my heart nearly pounced upon each one of them.  I am sure the people around us probably thought we had all just come out of a month of silence or something with as chatty as we were.  Truly, if any man had been present his head would have been spinning at the dizzying ability we had to maintain at least four different conversations at once.  I think it is a truly humble gift to be known by a sister in Christ and yet still be loved; to watch Christ minister, comfort, encourage,  correct, and reveal Himself to me through my Godly friends.  Of course we ate too much and talked too loud and were perhaps even a bit silly at times, but I know that as I close my day today, I feel full.  I am so grateful for "the sweetness of friends that make my heart glad from the earnestness of their counsel."

Janurary 29, 2012 Pretty Dishes and Prayers for Friends

January 29, 2012

I have a thing about dishes.  Pretty plates, platters and cups call me.  For me, garage sales are just lonely piles of abandoned dishware beckoning for a home.  Several years ago, my friend Laura gave me this mug as a gift.  I've come to realize lately that life is a constant narrative for me.  Objects, people, events are all connected in some way in my mind through endless streams of sentences.  I could still walk through my home and point out wedding gifts each connected to a full story of people, places and memories.  So when Laura handed this little gift to me and my heart smiled each morning when I put my hands around my warm, pretty mug the Spirit whispered, "You know you think of her every time you use her mug, maybe you should pray for her."  Ever since then as friends give me mugs or dishes I pray for them as I use their gifts.  Sometimes I just see a mug and assign a friend to that mug.  Strange, I know but it's amazing how the Lord often reveals throughout the day some of the reason for those morning prayers.  Today the random mug that was grabbed was the one that started it all from my dear friend Laura.  I also received a text from her today needing prayer as she faces the death of several members of her family.  She shared personal burdens of her heart and struggles and concerns for her family members.  Hmmm it's almost like her needs of the day and my morning cup of coffee might somehow be orchestrated by a very personal God of a vast and amazing world.  Lord, please remind me to lift up those that you've placed in my life when you bring their name and faces to my mind, even if it's just something as simple as a cup of coffee.

January 29, 2012 Victory and Vomit

January 29, 2012

I just ate two celebration cupcakes and I don't feel a bit guilty about it!  Such a fun day to celebrate Annabeth's accomplishment of setting her personal high for gymnastics and qualifying for state with a 34.825.  Jay was an amazing daddy and sacrificed his Saturday to drive her to Tulsa for a last-minute meet.  Grams came and cheered her on as well.  I stayed at home with the other two kids because, in all honesty, gymnastics' meets anywhere under the collegiate level are not top quality entertainment for siblings week after week.  (And although Mommy is much better at leaving her gym-Mom anxiety at the throne of grace, she has a bit of a tendency to be a basket case at meets) We are also so grateful today for a medical treatment plan that appears to be healing Annabeth's lungs after two years of struggling with asthma.  Today's entry is short and sweet and super fun but of course, lest we become too prideful, there was also an added pinch of reality.  Since I just gave thanks for the funny son that the Lord gave me, I thought I'd share a bit of his day in closing.  Annabeth's qualifying score all came down to her last event of the day which was vault.  Instead of pacing a path in the living room carpet or staring a hole in the screen of my phone, I was trying to patiently wait by reading and playing words with friends with my mother (I know, I have an amazingly exciting social life!).  Suddenly I hear, "Mom come quick Jack just threw up all over your bed!"  Ahhhh not the message I was waiting for, but I grabbed my phone and ran to his aide.  I whisked him off the bed and into the bathroom to complete the expulsion of his stomach contents just as my text message went off.  As I saw the score, I started shrieking and jumping up in down in excitement (it's been two years, I'm allowed a few shrieks) only to be stopped short as my son stood before me covered in vomit with pitiful teary eyes.  I'm sure I said something semi-loving and compassionate like, "Don't move Jack.  Annabeth made state and I have to tell Emma.  Mommy loves you, I'll be back in a second!"  After a bit of time to settle down, I found myself cleaning up well.....just cleaning up- clothes, pillows, comforters, carpet.  I kind of laughed and prayed, "Yes, Lord we praise you in victory and we praise you in vomit."  The second picture is Jack's congratulations card for Annabeth.  Here is how he explained it, "That's Annabeth winning the prize by the vault.  That's you Mommy jumping up and down in the bathroom.  And that's me crying with my tears all by myself in the shower."  Oh my, it's great to be humbled and happy!

January 27, 2012 The Humble Testimony of Athletes

January 27, 2012

What a fun night with friends at the "Beauty and the Beast" OU meet combining men's wrestling and women's gymnastics!  It was a great night eating out, cheering for some super athletes and getting autographs at the end of the evening!  We were surrounded by amazing accomplishments and high scores with both teams decidedly winning their meets.  In the midst of so much human recognition, I was struck by two stories that the Lord has brought to Annabeth's life in the process of showing her the calling of using your talents for His glory and never resting in anything other than Him.  The men's wrestling wasn't exactly why we were there but when we were going through the line talking to the wrestlers, I was reminded of something that truly touched my heart and is so applicable to the time of life we find ourselves in right now.  A year ago, Jay had the pleasure of meeting Coach Jack Spates who was head coach of OU wrestling for 18 years.  He has an amazing list of accomplishments as he poured his heart and soul into the OU wrestling program for so many years before retiring to start a campus ministry at UCO this past fall.  As the guys were signing autographs, I mentioned Coach Spates and the blessing he provided for Annabeth when she was struggling with gymnastics last spring.  Their eyes lit up and they agreed that he is an incredible man.  The gift he provided my little girl was a letter.  Jay mentioned in passing one day the struggles she has as someone so dedicated to her sport but with seemingly little accomplishment from meet to meet.  Here is the response we recieved shortly after that conversation:

Dear Anna Beth,
I am the wrestling coach at the University of Oklahoma. Your dad tells me that you are a dedicated gymnast. I want to commend you for accepting the challenge of being an athlete, especially in such a demanding sport. Having been an athlete and, for about 33 years a coach, I know that there are many trials and disappointments that go along with striving for excellence in sport. Most people don't have the courage to experience such trials but that is what makes athletes special. They are willing to try things and undergo disappointments because of their love of their sport and because of a desire to attempt great things.
As a coach I would encourage you to keep trying to learn. Sometimes athletes like to do just the things they are good at but those who become outstanding are willing to constantly try things in order to improve. As a christian coach I would encourage you to work hard and smart to the glory of God. After doing that put the results in God's hands and be grateful for the opportunity to compete. Pray that your involvement in gymnastics will give you the opportunity for people to see Jesus in you because of the way you act and to be able to tell them about our great God and the forgiveness and hope He offers through His Son. We have a number of christian coaches and athletes at OU and this is our prayer. I am praying for you that God would help you work hard and be faithful in your gymnastics and that you would compete joyfully and with a desire to bring Him glory. I hope I get to meet you down the road. May the Lord bless and use you Anna Beth.
Coach Spates

What an amazing gift!  How beautiful of the Lord to remind me of this man's humble words to a nine year old girl on the eve of yet another meet for her!  What a blessing that he would honor God by writing such wise words to a little girl he's never even met!  And the last story of the evening came from Annabeth's favorite gymnast, Natasha Kelley.  Natasha is an amazing gymnast with an incredible record of accomplishments.  As she was about to begin her senior year at OU, she tore her Achilles tendon thus having to declare retirement at the beginning of January.  She had already battled back from three serious injuries in her gymnastics career and so this last year as a Senior was not to be for her.  I can only imagine her disappointment but she was right there with her team all night cheering them to victory.  She even came to sign autographs and Annabeth was so excited to see her.  We told her we were so sorry about her injury and how much Annabeth has enjoyed watching her during her time at OU.  She was so gracious and kind.  Last night as Annabeth and I cuddled up before bed, we talked about her meet today and the stories of both of these people.  They both know that there is much more to life than a sport.  We prayed for Coach Spates and Natasha and for Annabeth to continue to persevere trusting the outcomes of her earthly endeavors to her Savior and to continue striving to bring Him honor in all things. 

January 26, 2012 The Joy of Jack

January 26, 2012

Jack is my baby, my son, the smaller image of the man I fell in love with, and the larger image of incredible joy.  How do they go from cradle to superhero in the blink of an eye?  With Jack I see the joy of God and the laugh of the Spirit.  I love how he can still curl up in my arms for his daily cuddles with blurry-morning-eyes and tousled hair.  I love how he is trying t-ball and basketball and spending the night with friends but he still brings his blue teddy bear to breakfast.  I love how I've seen a love for Christ early in his little life; an absolute trust that God is who  He says He is and will do what He says He will do.  He used to hear prayer requests and then immediately pray, "Lord thank you for making (name) feel better" "Thank you for giving (name) a job."  Part of it was the fact he was young, but he's shown me since then that he really does trust God.  I also love his compassion and the fact that he thinks anyone's heart will heal with a good laugh.  When Emma was stressed about going to the dentist yesterday, he danced a crazy dance just to make her giggle.  He's always quick to give a hug when  one of his sisters is in tears.  Even as I type this I hear Emma making him watch a dance move she learned and his little voice saying, "That's awesome!"  Sure he jumps on my furniture, but he's protecting our house from some very vicious villains and yes, toots and burps are extremely funny in his world, but there is probably enough seriousness in ours for the moment.  Some days all his energy and constant chatter provides a bit of distraction for math and reading and well any task really, but that same little mouth never fails to say "I love you Mommy" when I need it most.  Lord, thank you for my son.  Please correct me when I try to "fix" him and fill me with the perseverance to continually cover his life in prayer to know You and love You with all his heart, soul, and mind all the days of his life. 

January 25, 2012 The Power of Words

January 25, 2012

The concept of human speech has been on my mind lately.  First of all, you run into all the nuances of it when you attempt to teach a very vivacious little boy spelling and reading.  "But why is the e silent here but not here and why does y sound like i in fly but it sounds like e in baby?"  It's amazing we ever even establish any sort of verbal communication, much less become proficient readers and spellers.  This is a picture of where a precious group of women meet each week to share the words that Christ is teaching them.  A few weeks ago we discussed a passage of scripture, "And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another and all the more as you see the Day drawing near." The NIV says "spur one another on."  (Hebrews 10:23-24)  My dear friend Debbie, who has a horse ranch to encourage kids and their walk with the Lord, talked about the idea of "spurs."  She said that when done properly a spur is a gentle yet effective and intimate way to move the horse forward towards the proper destination.  It's an extension of an established relationship for specific and purposeful communication.  When you stop to think about it, we are surrounded by words every day-a prolific amount of verbal communication.  We also communicate a vast amount of words every day (some more than others).  To use the phrase echoing from my study of Hebrews, do those words spur one another on to the consideration of Christ?  Do the words I speak and the words I hear benefit the pursuit of Christ or hinder it?  I could name a few conversations I've had within the last week where my Spirit has just felt slain when I walked away.  Where my own negativity or that of others has absolutely distracted me from rejoicing in the Lord always.  I have a tendency to be cynical and pessimistic; the darker the humor the chances are higher for me to laugh out loud.  But this is so destructive to my pursuit of knowing, loving and living for my Savior.  I can also think of many more communications where my spirit has been uplifted, encouraged, spurred on in the joy of being a redeemed child of God.  A simple facebook message letting me know my written words were an encouragement.  Text conversations where my sisters in Christ share prayer concerns and give testimony to our living Savior from the seemingly mundane details of our daily lives.  Actual conversations around the dinner table or right before bed.  A spur-of-the-moment lunch with a dear friend who offered the encouragement of how her own words gave her spirit peace just last night.  She is a busy mommy of six little ones and the power outage occurred in that one hour time-span when the kids have all been tucked neatly in bed and she is able to sit for a moment and think in complete sentences.  That hour of solace literally became complete silence and darkness (The kids had all hi-jacked any sort of light device early on when electricity was bountiful).  At first she felt anxiety and bit of frustration, but then she decided to look through her grateful pictures on her phone (that was the only working device at the moment).  She said when she flipped through and saw such simple yet beautiful words such as "baby smiles" and "sippy cups" her heart just filled with peace.  Simply looking at the words and images she had captured in moments of gratitude were medicine to her soul.  God gave us an incredible gift of communication; the question is are all my words, in every form, bringing Him honor and glory by reflecting the true beauty of being redeemed.  May I fill my mind with scripture, prayer, songs, and words so that the words that flow out point all that the Lord sets in my path to the glorious pursuit of Christ and Christ alone!

January 24, 2012 Darkness and Silence (& Electricity Too)

January 24, 2012

I had a few thoughts about my picture today but then the power went out.  One second I'm working away on my Hebrews study, the next I can't see my hand in front of my face.  (And yes, for those of you playing along at home, there does seem an eerie connection to NTT as it will now be referred to as we don't want to utter the words "No Technology Tuesday" ever again).  Of course we scrounged up some flashlights and lit some candles (my kids actually had those crazy flashlight aps on their ipods) but we all went straight to the living room couch.  There's something about no power that makes you want to surround yourself with your family.  We all piled together and started to read some of our read-alouds that had been sadly neglected over the hectic-ness of the last few days.  When my voice went a bit dry, Emma and I curled up to read together on the big red chair, and Annabeth and Jack decided to play a game of catch the flashlight beam.  I swear I've never seen two kids have more fun with a beam of light.  They eventually tired as well and snuggled up together in my bed to read a bit before bed.  Jay, who was valiantly trying to rid himself of the African sleep curse, settled on the love seat and although it was pretty dark, I think he surrendered his epic fight for a bit.  It was so quite....just the sound of the rain hitting the fireplace and the soft reading of Annabeth's voice.  And it was so peaceful; the warmth of my daughter next to me under a heavy blanket.  There is something incredibly restorative about the absence of harsh light and sound.  Something so refreshing as the forcing of humans to interact with one another during a time of day when we might not otherwise.  I'm so thankful that the Spirit has been turning me toward gratitude in all things so that my first reaction was not one of frustration, but rather the enjoyment of what was provided; cuddles with kids, giggles at lightbeams, warmth from a pre-teen and only the sound of the voices of those I love. 

PS  I'm also thankful for electricity because there was no way I was going to be able to sleep without the white noise from my electric fan!!!  And the heater was nice as well.....

January 23, 2012 The Joy of a Mess

January 23, 2012

My living room was clean this morning.  The first picture looks so serene and sweet until you pan out to the second picture-eek!  There are several gratitude stories within these pictures, so let me just start with one of my first thoughts of the day.  We woke up late-Jay is still on African time, the kids had late nights at Gram's house this weekend and I caved and took a benadryl around one a.m. due to the fact that I couldn't breathe with my allergies.  I don't enjoy late Mondays.  It throws off my whole week and makes me feel behind until next Monday.  (Yes, I'm prone to the dramatic)  Instead of screaming everyone out of bed, I took a few moments for prayer coverage over our day and gently woke everyone from the death sleep.  I remember thinking, "At least the house is clean."  On my way up to school, I noticed a very small smudge on my nice clean mirror in the living room.  Upon further inspection, I noticed it was a purposeful smudge with the very distinct shape of "A B."  Hmmm....wonder who that could be?  For a moment I thought, why would she smudge up a perfectly clean mirror?  Then the Spirit whispered, "Isn't that a beautiful smudge on your life made by the amazing fingers of the one I gave to you?"  Likewise to the mess of Legos scattered across the room (have you every stepped on one of those little suckers???), the paint stains and scratches on the dining room table, the leftover marks on the living room wall from a very zealous wiki-stick artist, and the list goes on and on.  It seems I clean those clothes that are piled high in the background every few days, I wash the same dishes over and over and wipe up the same messes.  It's ground-hog day of Merry Maids around here, except that I'm the only maid and frankly, I'm not always merry.  So look beyond the mess to those that messed it up.  The little hands and bodies that create, destroy, need, and smudge the house beyond recognition.  What a gift!  There are several in my life right now that I love and care for who cry out every day for our Savior to bless them with a little one to mess up their own homes.  They would weep with joy to change a diaper, launder some pajamas, and wake to cries during the night.  Lord, please give me spiritual vision to see as you see-a messy house of absolute blessing!  And there is one underlying story to these pictures in closing.  I often tease my oldest daughter that she is 65 and the most mature of our household.  She is quite and fairly withdrawn and doesn't necessarily attract friends very easily.  Throughout our almost five years in Shawnee, I have times when I feel overwhelmed with a desire for her to have a friend or two that love her and choose to spend their time with her.  I was battling these thoughts once again yesterday in church.  I fret and want to manipulate some sort of social life for her and, in doing so, I completely disregard the work God is doing in her life.  I have this homeschool fear that the only friends she'll ever have are her siblings.  But really, is that such a terrible thing?  Just the other day she told me how she had a long talk with one of the girls that she babysits about how to pray for loving her siblings.  And if you'll notice, she's bent over creating legos with her little brother because he was lonely and wanted someone to play with today.  She set her ipod and cell phone down and spent an hour entering his world of all things lego.  I almost blush with shame that my heart can fret over her lack of a social life when the Lord is pouring His Spirit all over her most-precious spiritual life.  Please show me my children as you see them Lord and convict me to hold them close, pray over them daily and trust You with Your amazing work in their little lives.

January 22, 2012 My Husband; My Pastor

January 22, 2012

I love that God created Sabbath!  I think we are so accustomed to churches on every corner, we take the privilege of gathering together with believers for granted.  We falsely assume church is just a given or worse, treat is as an obligation because that is where we are supposed to be on Sunday morning.  I've felt this way often in my life and have only recently began to ask for gratitude for such an amazing blessing as the fellowship, worship, teaching and gathering together of believers.  The body of believers is a true gift from God and not only includes the believers we sit with on Sunday mornings but those in our city, nation and around the world.  Today, I am so thankful for a pastor who, in my opinion, embodies the two qualities that I most value in a church leader- humbleness and faithfulness to scripture.  (Of course, as he reads all these blogs that humble spirit might be challenged!)  He's not perfect (do I ever get to blog his faults?!?) but the fact that I can sit week after week and learn from him is a beautiful testimony.  There was a time in our marriage where I sinfully resisted his teaching in small groups and Sunday School.  I knew how he lived throughout the week, so therefore he had no right to attempt to instruct me!  Ugh, having to write these sinful thoughts out is certainly humbling but glory be to God for his sanctifying work on his children!  I still see how he lives and, believer it or not, he still sins on a daily basis, but I cherish the freedom and grace that comes when you begin to realize just the smallest idea of how vast is the mercy of God towards you and therefore that mercy begins to extend to those in your life.  (My pastor preached something of this nature this morning).  God is active and alive in all of his children and how arrogant of me to set up the perimeters of who can and cannot be used of God to teach me more about His amazing glory in my life!  I think one of the things I hold most dear about my husband-pastor is seeing God at work in His life- sanctifying , disciplining, growing, challenging.  Jay has always enjoyed the attention of others (can I hear an amen?) so it is often challenging to be so transparent in front of large groups of people when it is the approval of people that you desire.  At times, people feel very free in their critics and, often, in their criticism of Jay and his work in the church.    Some is motivated out of love and, even if it stings, it  is held dearly, but some seems rather selfish and unnecessary.  At those times, I want to rant and rage and strike down the offending brother for daring to utter anything against my amazing husband, but you know what God has graciously given Jay as an answer in those situations?  "I understand that one of my temptations in life is to please and be liked by many, if the Lord has chosen to remove that sin from my life by the not-so-gracious words of those in my life, then praise be to God." Hmmm did I mention, I love learning from my pastor?

January 21, 2012 Confirmation

January 21, 2012

Just two pictures today and few words.  It's so beautiful when God provides confirmation of the lessons he has been revealing to you.  Today was a beautiful day to spend with just Jay, as the kids stayed with Grams, confirming the blessing of husband and wife.  The other was the first text Annabeth sent me today confirming that our Glorious Father is at work on her little heart.  By the way, Hadley had a great gymnastics meet today!

January 20, 2012 0.025

January 20, 2012


I knew today would test my pursuit of "gratitude in all things." It is a seemingly silly thing, but I have this little gymnast and the Lord has taught me many incredible lessons though this activity of her life.  I refer to her as my "little engine that could" but the path seems incredibly long in this case.  She is just one of those kids who continues to work to the best of her ability but it never seems to yield the fruit that is expected; there are no first place ribbons, no trophies, and no qualification scores.  To the outside world she should quit, walk away, find another area of life to excel in, after all, what is the point of hours a week in a gym, ripped hands, injured muscles, and constant use of inhalers if you never win?  And as terrible as it sounds, that is what my Momma heart has been caught up in for two years now.  What is the point, Lord?  It might be to grow a little girl in the knowledge that all talents are from our Lord and should be used for his glory.  It might be to train her little character in a lesson that few adults have-to lose with love, to encourage in heart-break, and to maintain an eternal perspective at the fleeting pleasures of this life and the beauty of a heart that loves Him.  And it might be to remove some idols from her mother's heart.  After a heart-breaking meet in December, I cried longer than I would like to admit.  I have no desire to see her at the top of the podium or the next Olympic athlete, she could attempt to be the next watermelon seed-spitting winner for all I care.  It's just that the disappointment that hides behind those eyes-trying-not-to-cry squeezes my momma heart to pieces.  And this isn't a bad thing, right?  My husband came home to see me in a puddle of tears and quasi-gently said, "well, perhaps God is revealing to you an idol, so that's a good thing, right?"  Once I refrained from saying a few naughty words ending with "Thanks a lot Mr. Pastor Guy," I opened my heart to let the Spirit reveal the truth of this to me.  Looking back to my lesson of endurance from Hebrews 12:1, there is also the phrase "let us lay aside every weight and sin which clings so closely."  John Piper challenged his congregation with this thought:

I remember the effect this verse had on me as a boy when I heard someone explain that we must lay aside not only entangling sins, but "every encumbrance." That is, every weight or obstacle. Things that in themselves may not be sins.  This was revolutionary. What it did (and I hope it does the same for you) was show me that the fight of faith - the race of the Christian life - is not fought well or run well by asking, "what's wrong with this or that?" but by asking, "is it in the way of greater faith and greater love and greater purity and greater courage and greater humility and greater patience and greater self-control? Not ; Is it a sin? But: Does it help me run! Is it in the way? 

So even though no momma out there would blame me for the heart-hurt that comes when your little one faces those disappointments of life, there is a way in which that hurt can overcome the love of and pursuit of Christ in your life.  We may not like the word, but when anything is more cherished, more loved, held more closely than the love of Christ, it is indeed an idol.  Last night was once again, a lesson of this "trust in the Lord with all your heart."  Annabeth's only goal right now is to make a 34 all-around to qualify for state.  She had a great meet but ended up with a score of 33.975.  Scooping her up after the meet was like a mommy bird trying to keep her little babies in the nest of comfort.  She smiled, of course, and congratulated the girls that made state (She is the last one left on the team now without a qualification score) and then held out her arms to me with those little glistening tears in the corners of her beautiful blue eyes.  And as I held her close, I prayed that the Lord would continue to show that He is supremely superior to all earthly achievements; to a little one just beginning her walk with Him and to her mother, who needs to continue to bow her knee asking to remember the absolute comfort of considering Christ in all moments of the life He has given us. 

January 19, 2012 Homecoming

January 19, 2012

Well, the picture today does say it all....homecoming!  What a blessed moment to hug a daddy and husband back home!  It was so fun to eat dinner together and look at all the pictures and hear all the stories of our time spent apart.  There is just something so amazingly comforting about returning all the scattered pieces back to their proper places.  There is a renewed appreciation for things that were just a few days ago taken for granted; an added sweetness to the giggles and stories.  A bit more patience extended and more courteous listening.  Jack was on the count-down all day.  How many more hours now?  (15 minutes later) How many hours now, Mom?  The girls left practices and activities early so they wouldn't miss anything.  And even I spent a bit of time watching a little plane track painstakingly slow across my computer screen via the British Airways flight path map.  What a fun text to receive- "Just landed in Dallas!"  A physical homecoming here on earth was such a blessing, but I kept thinking about yesterday's lesson of endurance and the constant pursuit of Christ.  I think too many times I get so involved with the happenings of my life here on earth, I forget about my true homecoming; the utter and unexplainable depths of joy to stand before my Savior without the barrier of sin!  To enter into His glory free to truly worship Creator, Savior, Father God.  I think sometimes I run the race in a bit of drudgery as I am so short-cited about the end of the pursuit.  This day would have been different if we weren't all focused upon one thing....the return of our daddy and husband home.  It motivated our actions, it focused our thoughts, and it was scattered throughout all our conversations.  Wouldn't my life have a deeper, more joyful, more grace-uttering testimony if my actions, thoughts and conversations were centered around my Abba Father and the day that I fall before His throne of grace surrounded by the praise of His glory?  I am so thankful for the life I have been given.  This entire gratitude endeavor centers around giving thanks for the life I now live, but my prayer today is that I remember the foundation on which I live this life and the amazing Savior who will one day bring me to an eternity beyond my comprehension in the presence of the Great I Am. 

January 18, 2012 Endurance

January 18, 2012

That picture is even uglier than Sticky Piggy, but since I'm fresh out of the athletic version of myself running a stretch of miles in the rising sun, my modem will have to do for my picture of gratefulness.  I'm not proclaiming gratefulness for the internet (although it does make my life much easier in ways) but rather what that little contraption represents in my word of the day, "endurance."  There have been many things in my life that have brought me back to the call for endurance this week.  We have been counting down "sleeps" and trying to maintain peace and kind words in our little home until father returns. I'm supposed to be having endurance to eat right and exercise.  Every day has been a battle of endurance for poor Jack in that dreaded subject of math.  And alas, I had to make a call to AT&T yesterday when we woke to find our world without internet...shudder.  I apparently offended the technology overlords with my ever-so-slight mention of "No Technology Tuesday" on Monday so they zapped us upon waking Tuesday morning.  I quickly realized just how much I use that little modem (in all honesty I didn't even really know where it was or it's proper name....have no fear, we are now on a first name basis!)  I am not one characterized by patience or independently working out issues that I feel belong to a man's world so the call to the mighty AT&T was quite an adventure for me.  When the first question was to state the phone number of your account,  I was already perplexed because technically we have four numbers under them, thus I knew I was not in for a smooth experience in the restoration of my DSL.  And then the onslaught of questions began with an ever-so-calm technical voice asking me things that I had no idea about and me, at first attempting to be an AT&T star pupil with graceful and pleasant answers, to ten minutes later me, in the fetal position, yelling at the phone, "HUMAN, I just want to speak to a HUMAN PERSON!!!"  My kind neighbor came over and attempted to help me in this endeavor and suggested I say "representative" so once the line was completely befuddled by my constant answer to any question with "REPRESENTATIVE!" I managed to find at least someone who had a human quality about them.  At this point, all I could weakly murmur was "help, no internet" and the man began interpretation and was just about the utter the magical words that would restore my wifi and my sanity when lo-and-behold, the call was dropped.  So other than confessing my fail in constant gratefulness, what on earth does this have to do with endurance?  I was done.  I quit.  No internet.  No calling AT&T ever again.  We were going to make do by driving around town stealing other's wifi until Jay came home.   Then my neighbor, who remained ever so much calmer than myself during this process, texted me today to consider calling them again to fix the problem.  I thought she had lost her mind, but I took deep breathes and placed the call.  I'm pretty sure they flagged me as "Answer call quickly, crazy woman, husband in Africa, fear for children's lives" because today the problem was solved quickly and efficiently.  This is, of course, a rather cynical way of seeing the word picture of the importance of endurance in my life, but the sigh of relief when that little light blinked as it was supposed to was nothing compared to the rest, peace and beauty of enduring to the end by the constant pursuit of Christ.  I am nearly complete with a study on Hebrews that I have been compiling for my sweet Bible study women.  The verse I most recently wrote on was Hebrews 12:1-2, "Therefore since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witness, let us lay aside every weight and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us looking to Jesus the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him, endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God."  What an amazing example we have of a Holy Savior who endured the agonizing death on the cross for the glory of God and salvation of man!  That Savior also calls me to a life of endurance and the amazing part of this story is that He also supplies the endurance for the race in which He has called me to run.  What an encouragement to know that we run for our good and His glory in the safety of His loving hands!

January 17, 2012 The One My Soul Loves

January 17, 2012

Today I am rather melancholy, not in an ungrateful way, but more in a soberly serious way as I miss my best friend.  I feel an emptiness as "the one my soul loves" is an ocean away (Song of Solomon 1:7).  We will celebrate 18 years of marriage this summer, and I am so utterly grateful that the Lord has carried and strengthened us through many trials and difficulties of marriage to be at this place when what I miss most is....just him.  At the beginning of our marriage, I fear we were probably glad to take "breaks" from one another selfishly satisfying our own need for independence.  During the early years of babies and toddlers, I mainly missed his help when he was gone.  Doing all the things required for caring for young ones is exhausting.  But now I can honestly say I miss him; his daily texts and phone calls, his willingness to serve us in so many ways, the nightly re-caps of our days, and just having that other part of you a moment away.  I truly believe the Lord provides such an amazing gift of joy and peace and utter comfort to those that continue to honor Him by (sometimes just plain doggedly) submitting to His Lordship in submitting to the spouse He has given you.  It takes so much time from an earthly perspective to truly begin to understand the reflection of Christ in a marriage.  You laugh together, cry together, dislike each other, enjoy one another, and the days turn to months and then to years.  As you reflect on the journey, you see the love and faithfulness of Christ so beautifully written over those vows uttered so long ago.  In this manner of constant dying to self, you discover joy and friendship and love that only the Creator can supply.  It's funny that even as I have had a lonely day thinking of Jay, Annabeth also wrote the following in her gratitude journal- "I am thankful for a loving mom and day that are together and love God, each other, and me."  We've modeled so many failures and sins throughout our time as parents but great is His faithfulness to take the offerings of a faithful marriage and write His glory upon the hearts of our children and ourselves. For this, I praise His Holy Name!

Ps- Pardon the late post but apparently I offended the overlords of AT&T by merely mentioning "No Technology Tuesday" and was thus zapped with the absence of internet for, gasp, over 24 hours!  Because, of course, that is yet another area that I so heavily rely upon Jay to keep right in my world. Along with taking out the trash, running the children all over town, wrestling with Jack, basketball practice, tending to the needs of the kids at night, making coffee, putting gas in the car.....ok, perhaps I'm a bit spoiled, more to be grateful for!!!

January 16, 2012 Playing

January 16, 2012

Today was the perfect day to just play.  The weather was amazing; it just called to you to throw off your shoes and play "orphans."  Or at least that's what it called to my youngest two children today.  I'm not sure what "orphans" was exactly, but it involved dressing the part, creating bows and arrows out of sticks, and carrying around baggies of carrot sticks and bananas.  Considering that yesterday when I mentioned instituting "no technology Tuesdays" and they acted like I was suggesting the weekly removal of vital organs, it brought me great joy to hear their excited voices and watch them running around the yard with full abandon while I did dishes at the sink.  Of course, a lot of praying can occur over those never-ending dishes (kind of like the Wal-Mart line) and I spent time thinking about the idea of "play."  I think we leave behind the genuine enjoyment of playing with minimal items and great imagination far too early in life.  To just set aside the check-list of today and truly enjoy the company of another person is a true blessing.  It is a gift to be able to interact fully with the people the Lord has gifted to you and to enjoy the amazing world in which He has placed you.  We are probably missing out on such beauty by maintaining our "to-do" lists at all costs or simply "escaping" reality by inundating ourselves with technological emptiness.  (Remember, I did give thanks for technology last week but probably all in proper moderation)  My love language is quality time so the idea of a loved-one choosing to focus on me and enjoy my company is a blessing that fills my heart.  God created man with such an amazing capability to create, imagine, learn and explore, I feel that my glimpse of gratitude today calls me to be a better steward of those gifts that He's given me........to just throw of my shoes and run through the yard with full abandonment and child-like wonder enjoying His gift of "play."

January 15, 2012 The Woes of Walmart

January 15, 2012


There are few things I dread more than a trip to Wal-Mart...a root canal, perhaps.....an abscessed cyst, maybe...but Wal-Mart makes me lose my religion!  I have this incredible knack to get behind that family that is taking up the entire row to pick the perfect loaf of bread or the screaming child in the prison-cart that seems to follow my every step.  And if I miraculously survive the actual shopping without acting-out my dream visions of a fabulous ram-every-person-in-your-path-with-your-shopping-cart video game, then comes the check-out.  I am that person who manages to get in the line that has 42 price-checks, needs change and runs out of cash-register tape all at once.  So as I was grumbling my way through the chaos today, I kind-of jokingly said to the Lord, "Don't tell me I have to be grateful for this!"  The Spirit (who is mildly sarcastic in my prayer-life) said, "Sure, just disregard the piles of food at your fingertips, the shelter from weather, the fact that you can pay for what's in your cart and the hurting, lost people surrounding you.  That's exactly what I've called you to in life, daughter."  Hmmmm......ok, let's put on gratitude vision.  (I think I might actually create some eye-wear with this title before this year is over!)  So as I walked, I took the baby steps of thankfulness.  I tried to actually make eye-contact and smile at people and, except for those that greeted my odd behavior by looking for an open bottle of liquor in my cart, people actually responded with kind smiles back.  "Excuse me's" and "You go first" were met with gracious nods.  Besides his streak of sarcasm, the Holy Spirit also has a sense of humor in my life and I was rather giddy with good-will until I reached the registers.  Oh my, there were about five registers open for the 55 people with piled-up carts in front of me.  Stop....grateful vision adjustment once again....how on earth am I going to wait 25 minutes in line with an attitude of thanksgiving?  The answer?  Pray.  Just look around-it is an incredibly ripe prayer-field.  First, begin with thankfulness for the food in your cart, the money in your account, the provisions surrounding you.  Next start praying over all those people.  That checker who is so exhausted and is just trying to do her job, perhaps she needs some peace and strength and endurance to finish her day of labor?  How about that older couple in front of you?  Pray for grace and comfort as they live fully the end of their years on this earth.  That frazzled mom with the kids grabbing things off shelves and throwing items out of the cart?  Pray for peace, love, a calming strength that can only be supplied by our Father in Heaven.  And above all else, pray that all those in your vision know the Lord fully and as the amazing Savior who transcends beyond the trials of this life.....even a trip to Wal-Mart. 

January 14, 2012

January 14, 2012

Often I find technology a bit counterproductive to a life of peace, but today I am so thankful for it!  It was  beautiful to actually hear my husband's voice today!  I'm driving through little ol' Shawnee and I'm talking to a man standing in the middle of Kenya!  When you stop to consider how "far" we've come in just a few years, it's really quite astounding.  I remember when my mom thought having an answering machine was pretty "out there" and now she is a texting, angry-bird playing Nana.  Apparently "we're texting" is a relationship status now, but I digress.  It's amazing what a text, an email and especially the sound of a loved one's voice can do for your spirit.  I think I need to remember the blessing of "hearing" those we love because I think I often take the sound of family for granted and, if I'm being honest, probably hush it all too often.  Jack made some crazy loud boy-noises tonight as he jumped from couch to couch fighting evil-doers in my living room (yes I let him jump on the furniture-no judgement please).  Annabeth was all kinds of giggly and 10-year-old-girl chatty tonight.  Emma has asked several questions causing me to doubt and question years of my educational efforts (Ie-what is poverty exactly?) I'm blaming pre-teen brain-leakage for Emma, but how beautiful is the sound of family?  Remind me to cherish the times I've been given to truly hear the ones I love.

January 13, 2012 Generations of Faith and Love

January 13, 2012

I cheated today with two photos, but it's ok because I made up the rules.  Right now as I type this my girls are snuggled up tight in our red chair with their Nana right between them.  I can hear them giggling and talking.  So far today my mom has merely done the dishes, dislodged Jack's door with me in order to remove adhesive stickers (I figured out the perfect method by the way), played games, helped with cross-stitch, more dishes, laundry, and has loved on her grand-kids in the ways they each receive love.  She did take about a five-minute nap, but I'll cut her some slack for that.  My sweet mother-in-law also called today to check on everyone and offered to drive over for a visit during Jay's absence as well.  The second photo is one of my favorites from several years ago, and it always makes my heart rejoice.  It's a quickly-snapped Big Jack and Little Jack photo from a day at the park but it says so much.  My parents and in-laws have modeled such a beautiful legacy of faith for Jay and I to learn from and emulate for our children.  Each of our parents delight in their grandchildren and selflessly pour into their lives.  From shopping trips, playing games, doing crafts, snuggles and cuddles and I believe my mom even participated in a rousing game of angry birds vs army men yesterday per Jack's imagination, they model the love of Christ for the generations that follow them.  It's amazing to me that when they could easily choose to remain in the peaceful bliss of their own homes, they lovingly step in to serve and help whenever needed.  I hear that the love of a grandparent for grandchild is something you can't understand until you are one, but from what I'm listening to and reflecting on right now, I'd say the love for a parent and grandparent is pretty incredible as well.

January 12, 2012 Sticky Piggy

January 12, 2012

You know when I said that some days the pictures I end up with are not the pictures that were in my mind when I wake up?  Yeah, this is definitely one of those pictures.  Today is a little fun and perhaps a bit "off" but let me introduce you to Sticky Piggy.  He was a much-loved little liquid-filled glob acquired by my son from a bowling arcade for a mere 95,000 tickets or something.  His life span was about 35 minutes and when his insides splattered all over Jack's face, there were at least a couple of tears shed.  Really....tears were shed over this bizarre glob of goo.  My mother drove up to stay with us for a few days (something I am so grateful for and shall be mentioned tomorrow unless I get sidetracked with other rubbery toys)  and jokingly remarked, "Is Sticky Piggy going to make your gratitude list today?"  I laughed and then, of course, I started to think.  I'm a thinker, an analyzer, a ponderer, something is always occurring inside my mind.  Often I ask Jay "What are you thinking about right now?" and his answer is "Really, nothing."  I can't comprehend such a response!  And I had plenty of time to think about Sticky Piggy because I may or may not have been driving the carcass of the sunken creature back to the bowling alley for a replacement.  Anyway, I kind of prayed something like, "So God, are you really going to show me gratitude through Sticky Piggy?"  Guess what?  He answered.  Today's gratitude is for the material blessings that are absolutely poured all over us, and so often we continue to pout or sulk or simply disregard the gifts because we have our eyes set on other Sticky Piggies of this world.  Isn't is actually a blessing when God is gracious enough  to show us the frailty of material possessions so that we can readjust our vision on what He has called us to do in this life?  To glorify God and enjoy Him forever.  All things are from Him and by Him and should be enjoyed to His glory, but only One thing should drive us day in and day out-our pursuit of Christ.  My grateful lesson of the day-enjoy the blessings God has given but don't hold too closely or too tightly because He will graciously remove whatever competes for His glory.  And for those of you captivated by this cliff-hanger of a story..... yes indeed, we have another addition to the family.....Gooey Piggy.

January 11, 2012 Cries for Comfort

January 11, 2012

Often I wake up with an idea of what my picture of gratitude will be each day and, more often than not, it is something completely different.  I had other plans for my day today.  It's my first day of eight-day independence so no whining to my hubby to help me out in this area or that.  We were going to accomplish much-cooking, cleaning, schooling, Bible study, piano lessons, dance lessons,- and in reality..... Annabeth got sick.  Instead the pile of school books went untouched and we piled up every comfort item known to man in our car to get big sister to her activities.  Annabeth would cry out "My tummy hurts" every couple of miles, so we drove around town like crazy people with the windows rolled down for cool air and Jack contorting his body every which way (while staying safely buckled) in order to shield his sister from the sun.  She's been struggling with asthma for the past year and this is the end of her latest dosages of high steroids and antibiotics.  A week of constant coughing and prednisone just got the best of her.  She crumpled up in bed and started to cry.  Once the tears started, she just couldn't stop.  Her tummy hurt, her head hurt, her chest hurt and you know what she wanted?  Her mommy's cuddles and her bunny.  She's ten years old and starting to leave those little girl days behind but when everything hurt, she just wanted comfort.  Do you think for one moment I said, "I have things to do child, a schedule to keep, a list to check off." I gathered her comforter, her pillows, her bunny and held her long body and stroked her sweet little girl hair.  To find comfort when you hurt....isn't that an amazing blessing?  Last night, as it was Jay's last night at home for a bit and Jack gave him a tearful good-night kiss,  I woke throughout the night with that little heart-skip and quick breath-what if? what if?  I too called out for comfort as I struggled to take every thought captive and rest in the comfort arms of my Savior.  And do you think for one moment I felt the rejection of my Abba Father as he had better things to do?  I lifted up my heart-cries and he supplied his peace.  And even today with a bit of a turn of events, I still have His amazing gift of peace.  Sure you might enter my home right now and think we've been ransacked, but cuddles on the big comfy bed was our gift of the day.  "If you then who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!"  Matthew 7:11

January 10, 2012 The Feeling of Full

January 10, 2012

My friend Debbie and I have a slight obsession with the caramel buns at Hell's Kitchen in Minneapolis, Minnesota.  Like we would board a plane tomorrow to attain them (and that is saying something for me if you are aware of my plane phobia!)   These buns are like stick-your-face-in-the-sauce and lick-the-plate good.  And we may or may not have done this on more than one occasion.  She showed up on my doorstep today with the perfect imitation of these rolls of heaven!  I could have kicked her hiney as Jillian Michaels and I are currently in a love/hate relationship as she shreds and I slough off the extra holiday "rolls" of my own.  But instead I did some yummy-in-my-tummy devouring of caramel buns.  Oh my, they were a perfect little gift in my day!  Then I made a going-away dinner of roast, potatoes, and home-made rolls for my sweet husband (yeah, Jillian's not going to like that either!)  And then I took a few minutes to just sit at the table and listen to my family.  Emma talking about dance class, Jay going over a thousand things for Africa, Annabeth chatting away about her day while painting her nails,  Jack jumping from couch to couch in superhero land and I just felt so......full.  Full: "containing or holding as much or as many as possible; having no empty space."  The feeling of fullness; food in my body, family under my roof, warmth all around me, the love of friends, the Spirit actively working in my life- what an abundance of the fullness of blessings!  You know I really only acknowledge the beauty of being full when I'm feeling empty.  That momentary wave of hunger, the times my breath catches when I realize a child is truly growing up, those snappish words and petty acts of anger when I haven't been feasting on the Word of God.  My husband is about to look into the eyes of many who only know empty.  To make it more real, I could walk down the street and see housefuls of empty.  Lord, I want to be keenly aware of my own empty in order to feast on my Savior and truly praise Him for the full!  Please show my family how we can pour the fullness of You on those you place in our lives.

January 9, 2012 Trust and Obey

January 9, 2012

Remember that post from five whole days ago?  That one about my cynicism and jaded dreading of the "big bad" to drop because I've committed a year of thankfulness?  Yeah, well here's where the rubber meets the road so to speak, or rather the metal meets the air???  Not sure how that saying works out in the world of flying, but my dear husband will board one of those machines that I so dread and fly an ocean away to Africa on Wednesday.  He has been given an amazing blessing of touring parts of Kenya with Compassion International.  I'm pretending Wednesday is still far away but when I walked through our room and saw his meager packing supplies (which would translate to two days for me but eight days for him)  my heart felt a bit of anxiety.  He is truly an amazing husband, and I know there will be many days during this year that I will be able to write about what a gift he is to me.  (I'm sure he would vote for perhaps a month of Jay-only thankfulness?)  But truly he is one of the few people I've encountered that knows the depth of "trust and obey."  Last night when I expressed some mild concern that perhaps he might never return from the depths of Africa, he calmly stated "When the Lord is ready, He will call me home and nothing is going to change that."  My first thought was, "Pooey on you," but my second (or perhaps even third) thought was "Thank you Lord for a husband who models Biblical peace."  Who indeed holds every minute of our tiny lives in the depths of His loving hands?  Who cares about His children far beyond the lilies of the field or the birds of the air? And more importantly, who is going to touch my husband's heart and open his eyes to the needs of His precious children living half a world away?  I know that this trip will only reveal even more of our Savior to my husband, my children and myself so I will take a few deep breaths and pray for His peace that surpasses my understanding and trust and obey.....

January 8, 2012 The Wonder of Worship

January 8, 2012

Sometimes Sundays are hard for me.  This is difficult to admit as I love being a part of the body of Christ, being taught the truth of Scripture, and participating with other believers in the worship of my Savior, but sometimes my first thought Sunday mornings is, "I wish I had an invisibility suit."  I could pass this thinking off as merely being a pastor's wife, and while there is definitely some legitimacy there, I think it really just comes down to my sinful preservation of self.  If asked why I struggle in this area, the answers would all center around a simple but powerful word-"I."  "I feel like I'm being scrutinized."  "I feel like it's my responsibility to talk to everyone and make them feel at home."  "I don't want to live up to everyone's expectations."  Notice the recurrences of the one who is actually at fault in those sentences-little ol' me.  My body of believers does a beautiful job of just letting me be me and yet I still have to fight the voice of the enemy that whispers all my "pastoral wife" failures every Sunday.  But the truth is, nothing about worship is about me or my comfort.  Worship is an incredible gift that the Holy God brings about in His children for His glory.  It is our human way to attempt to even find words that give the slightest testimony to our God-Abba Father, Adonai, Creator, Almighty God, Father of Love and Mercy. When we gather to sing songs to our shared Savior, all the differences blend into one voice before the throne of God above.  The Lord is so faithful in my corporate worship to overwhelm me with His love, to flood me with ways I can pray for my sisters and brothers in Christ, and to remind me of who I am called to worship-God and God alone.  Today I give thanks for having the freedom to worship with other believers and for the Holy Spirit who takes these human utterances and puts them before the throne of the most holy and high God.  What a beautiful gift!

January 7, 2012 Simplicity

January 7, 2012

I'm pretty much still in my jammies.  It's been a simple day and for that I give thanks.  Of course, I hadn't thought to praise God for the simple joy of a day with no plans until I rounded the corner and saw my kiddos joyfully coloring.  It's been a long time since they've all sat down together and colored!  They were just creating and talking and legitimately enjoying each other's company.  My family tends to go, go, go.  All these little plans, outings and events sneak up on us and in a moment our weekends and days are gone.  Of course, we have a great time in the going but I think it's important to just rest and reflect at times.  Right now, I can hear all three of them giggling and I wish I could capture that sound.  Already my children are so independent.  They can all bathe themselves, clothe themselves and if we at least have some bread, peanut butter and jelly, they can feed themselves.  I worry and fret and schedule and fume and their moments with me are like the bubbles that used to delight them; so precious and delicate and gone in a minute!  Emma still likes to whisper and confide at bedtime sharing fears and hopes.  Annabeth can still curl her long body up on my lap and bury her face in my neck for a cuddle.  Jack still giggles at all things boy and just randomly said, "Hey Mom, I love you" today.  If I hadn't paused to consider this day, I might have let that sentence of love float off without notice.  I love you too little ones, enjoy the simple and beautiful days of your life. 

January 6, 2012 Blue Fingernails; Tender Heart

January 6, 2012

Yesterday was a heavy-heart day.  Even though the events occurred yesterday, they've been little seeds of gratefulness growing in my heart all day.  Of course, my family would be at the top of my gratitude list but I'm waiting for the Lord to show me the characters that He's instilled in each of them for His Glory.  My oldest daughter, Emma, is twelve but could probably pass for sixty-seven.  You know, the oldest girl-child; stoic, introverted, dependable, responsible, a thinker, not much ruffles her feathers.  Not exactly the life of the party-clone of mother, not father.  The area of her life that needs, ummm well, growing is that of mercy, compassion and grace.  As she recently said during family discussion of last year's growth and this year's character pursuits, "I guess I need to just leave grace and  compassion on this year's list as well." Emma has a tendency to hold people at a distance while she ponders whether it's safe to let someone close.  She's also that kid in a group that's easier to ignore.  You have to purpose to pursue Emma and four years ago a special dance teacher chose to do just that.  Yesterday that dance teacher tearfully told Emma that she was moving back home to a state far away.  Emotions are not Emma's specialty but those tears couldn't be contained.  After we cried together and talked a bit, she disappeared to do her nails.  I thought that a bit strange as it's been months since she's given herself a manicure.  That night she danced and cried and said good-bye to an amazing lady who saw those seeds of kindness and tenderness that God planted in a quiet soul.  Later as I was telling Emma good-night, I mentioned that her nails were cute.  She said, "Thanks" and then with a small, wistful smile she said, "Ms. Jade gave me that polish......I've been laying here praying for her and her family and it still really hurts."  That's it, but it shot through my momma heart.  She needed to grieve and she needed to show in a small way just how much she loved a person who took the time to invest in her little life.  Often I am a bit hard on her as I want to see a little passion or excitement or something, but the Spirit showed me today that she is His and perfectly made.  She is not only my daughter but my sister in Christ and the Lord is at work on the inner parts of her heart just as He draws me to Himself daily.  She may not be that kid that gathers all the attention (I've got one of those as well) but she ponders and she thinks and she's asked the Lord to give her mercy and a tender-heart.  Thank you, Lord, for making my daughter one of your children and I praise you for bringing to fruition the verse we prayed over her at birth, "Grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be the glory both now and to the day of eternity." 2 Peter 3:18

January 5, 2012 Pills, Puffs and Eye Goop

January 5, 2012

Today my son awoke with his eyes a bit more crusty than his usual morning eyes and rather puffed shut.  I heard my daughter hacking in her room before she even knew she was awake.  All systems shut down-visit to the doctor.  Some examining, some stethoscope-listening, some gunky eye goop, some puffs of inhalers and a few hundred dollars later and they are both running around outside creating bows and arrows out of sticks and rubber bands.  Just another day in our lives-we have a need; there is a way to fix it.  "Stop and consider" the Spirit whispers over me.  My son's eyes were painfully miserable until that goop touched the surface.  Within minutes he is better, looking out the window on our drive home.  I can't imagine what pain my son would have endured 200 years ago with such an issue.  Or to make it more real- children around the world this very day have no treatment as simple as eye drops thus having permanently scarred corneas and vision loss.  My daughter is a gymnast and breathing is rather important in that arena.  Within one trip to a pharmacy, I have enough to pills and inhalers to open the airway of her lungs!  She breathes in this weird little aerosol-looking tube and says, "Ahhhh.....that's much better, Mom"  What would her breathing be like in another country where children die of the inability to even receive food?  How do I dare to complain that the unexpected doctor's visit or the sudden cost at the pharmacy marred my day?  My daughter will return home from the gym and chances are fairly high that she will hack all over us and we'll exclaim- "Cover your mouth!" My son will curl up in our laps and inevitably rub his eyes and touch everything we own.  They see, they breathe, they have medicine to heal their pain; my what a glorious day!

January 4, 2012 His Living and Active Word

Those who know me well will not be surprised to hear that this endeavor is causing me a bit of angst as I approach it with squinched-up eyes apprehensively wondering what God will bring me since I've committed to be thankful in all circumstances.  My fellow glass-half-empty, cynical friends will understand where I am going with this.  Pollyanna, I am not, but sadly Eeyore would more likely be my literary character match.  So every day when I snap that picture, a little voice in the back of my mind questions, "When will the "bad" come?"  What will He bring me first?  Accident? Diagnosis? Heartbreak?  It shames me to even have to admit those thoughts but it leads to my thankful moment of today.  I am always humbled and amazed by the living, active Word of God that does not return void.  I am studying Hebrews with my wonderful Bible study ladies at church and today's passage was the prelude to the "Faith Chapter"- Hebrews 10:32-11:3.  In discussing the days when they endured sufferings, the author states, "you joyfully accepted the plundering of your property, since you knew that you yourselves had a better possession and an abiding one.  Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward."  They joyfully accepted the plundering of their property?? What???  Oh my, I so would have written that another way!  But that was the salve that the Living, Holy God of the universe extended to me today-I have a better and abiding possession!  I am a redeemed daughter of the King and that is grace beyond measure.  I can't throw away the confidence that is the very gift of Christ by contemplating all the worries of this world.  By faith I continue to consider Christ and to rest in the faith that He gives which is "the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen."

January 3, 2012 Scones and Scripture

January 3, 2012

Mornings are not my shining glory. Never have been. Catch me at midnight and I'm a buzzing bee, catch me at seven a.m. and well, you won't catch me because I will be sound asleep. But alas, this is a new year and that means actually bringing some meaningful communication to my home before 10 a.m. As I tucked Annabeth in last night, she mentioned that fresh cranberry scones would be a yummy breakfast. Yes they would-delivered.  But I woke at the early morning hour of eight and baked her some scones.  I then lovingly woke my three children (who also acted like we were rising at dawn) and we had a rather relaxed beginning to our "back to school" day as we read from Philippians about rejoicing always and giving thanks in petitions.  We also spent time together reflecting on last year and praying together about the coming year before tackling the subjects of math and spelling (How did they manage to lose all math skills in a mere two weeks?!?)  But once again, I was stopped by the Spirit to consider: I had ingredients in my pantry to prepare food; I had the ability to follow a recipe and give my daughter something she had asked for; I have freedom to read scripture and pray with my children before starting our school day; I have children who by God's grace are willing to listen to Biblical instruction and share their experiences of knowing Christ; I have the Spirit that binds us as not only as family members on earth but sisters and brothers in Christ.  This list could go on and on from scones and scripture!  From stopping long enough to consider a mere 20 minutes of my day as a gift from God.  I am humbled and I am awed.