January 30, 2012 Godly Friendships

January 30, 2012

I have always been rather independent.  As a typical introverted, melancholy thinker, I am not exactly the life of the party.  I've also got a bit of that type-A personality.  You know the kind that pre-school teachers write about in progress reports:  "Amy is bright and cooperative.  She does her work well and in a timely manner.  She enjoys organizing other children's play." Yes, I'm that kid.  I could stay in my home in my comfy clothes with just my precious family for longer than should be normal.  So I think there have been times in my life when I have falsely bought into the lie that independence from others is a good thing.  That always maintaining a distance, never opening up to the vulnerability that comes with letting others poke around in my life, and remaining aloof "knowing" many but being known by few is an appropriate way to live within the body of Christ.  Several months ago, I read an article by Noel Piper, an introvert that craves alone time as well, in which she discusses the value of friendships and how it was late in her life until she discovered that friends are true gifts from God.  Here are a few thoughts from her article. 

Over the years, when my husband and I have tried to untangle some of the snarls in my life, sometimes he’s ventured to ask, “Noël, don’t you think it might help to have some women around you to offer other perspectives and to pray for you and maybe give some helpful suggestions?”
I knew he must be right because King Solomon said the same thing, and his wisdom was so phenomenal it left the Queen of Sheba breathless (1 Kings 10:1–13). His writings in the Bible are even called Wisdom Literature. So I thought it probably would be wise for me to pay attention when Solomon says in Ecclesiastes 4:9–10a that it’s good to have friends because they support each other: “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow.”  In fact, Solomon goes on to say we’re in trouble if we don’t have friends: “Woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!” (4:10b). He says friends watch out for each other’s needs: “If two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone?” (4:11). And friends share their strength against adversity: “Though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him — a threefold cord is not quickly broken” (4:12).
So my mouth said to my husband, “That’s a wise idea.” But my heart cringed at the thought of letting people close enough to poke around in my weaknesses, my mistakes, my faults, and my inadequacies. I decided that I needed to get my life sorted out, then I could include friends —someday, when I could be a giver instead of a taker. “I ought to be able to manage all this,” I thought.

 She goes on to discuss how a counselor told her to contact four Godly women to begin living openly with by the next day and how those friendship were a true healing ointment provided by the Lord for her life. 

In that session and in the days to come, as these friends opened themselves to me, my heart warmed to them and I felt more and more freedom with them. We came to trust each other with the tender places of our hearts.
In Proverbs 27:9, Solomon might have been writing about my friends: “Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel.” God used them to make my heart glad with their contemporary versions of practical oil and luxurious perfume: homemade bread, excellent coffee, brilliant bouquets, lunches together, and meals for my family.
God showed Himself in the deep wisdom that sprang from their lives’ stories of widowhood, life-threatening disease, physical disability, and victory over severe obesity.......I am still an introvert. My dream day still is a day by myself, but only once in a while. I thank God for the women he gave me when I needed to receive friendship. I pray that God will shape my heart to give friendship like they do — like Jesus told us to: “By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:35). Jesus said, “I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you” (John 15:15). He is the one I most want as a friend. I don’t want ever to be totally alone, without Jesus. I thank God for friends who have shown me Jesus’ kind of love. They have been an appetizer for the feast of Jesus’ friendship. 
(http://www.ligonier.org/learn/articles/appetizer-feast/)

I loved her words and I remember praying for God to show me Himself in the beautiful women he has placed in my life.  I am truly blessed by many friends who love me, laugh with me, cry with me, encourage and correct me, and lift me up to our Heavenly Father.  Some of these women are newer friendships and some I have known for many years.  We try to meet together every couple of months for dinner even in the midst of busy lives and crazy schedules.  Tonight when we all sat around the table, my heart nearly pounced upon each one of them.  I am sure the people around us probably thought we had all just come out of a month of silence or something with as chatty as we were.  Truly, if any man had been present his head would have been spinning at the dizzying ability we had to maintain at least four different conversations at once.  I think it is a truly humble gift to be known by a sister in Christ and yet still be loved; to watch Christ minister, comfort, encourage,  correct, and reveal Himself to me through my Godly friends.  Of course we ate too much and talked too loud and were perhaps even a bit silly at times, but I know that as I close my day today, I feel full.  I am so grateful for "the sweetness of friends that make my heart glad from the earnestness of their counsel."