I knew today would test my pursuit of "gratitude in all things." It is a seemingly silly thing, but I have this little gymnast and the Lord has taught me many incredible lessons though this activity of her life. I refer to her as my "little engine that could" but the path seems incredibly long in this case. She is just one of those kids who continues to work to the best of her ability but it never seems to yield the fruit that is expected; there are no first place ribbons, no trophies, and no qualification scores. To the outside world she should quit, walk away, find another area of life to excel in, after all, what is the point of hours a week in a gym, ripped hands, injured muscles, and constant use of inhalers if you never win? And as terrible as it sounds, that is what my Momma heart has been caught up in for two years now. What is the point, Lord? It might be to grow a little girl in the knowledge that all talents are from our Lord and should be used for his glory. It might be to train her little character in a lesson that few adults have-to lose with love, to encourage in heart-break, and to maintain an eternal perspective at the fleeting pleasures of this life and the beauty of a heart that loves Him. And it might be to remove some idols from her mother's heart. After a heart-breaking meet in December, I cried longer than I would like to admit. I have no desire to see her at the top of the podium or the next Olympic athlete, she could attempt to be the next watermelon seed-spitting winner for all I care. It's just that the disappointment that hides behind those eyes-trying-not-to-cry squeezes my momma heart to pieces. And this isn't a bad thing, right? My husband came home to see me in a puddle of tears and quasi-gently said, "well, perhaps God is revealing to you an idol, so that's a good thing, right?" Once I refrained from saying a few naughty words ending with "Thanks a lot Mr. Pastor Guy," I opened my heart to let the Spirit reveal the truth of this to me. Looking back to my lesson of endurance from Hebrews 12:1, there is also the phrase "let us lay aside every weight and sin which clings so closely." John Piper challenged his congregation with this thought:
I remember the effect this verse had on me as a boy when I heard someone explain that we must lay aside not only entangling sins, but "every encumbrance." That is, every weight or obstacle. Things that in themselves may not be sins. This was revolutionary. What it did (and I hope it does the same for you) was show me that the fight of faith - the race of the Christian life - is not fought well or run well by asking, "what's wrong with this or that?" but by asking, "is it in the way of greater faith and greater love and greater purity and greater courage and greater humility and greater patience and greater self-control? Not ; Is it a sin? But: Does it help me run! Is it in the way?
So even though no momma out there would blame me for the heart-hurt that comes when your little one faces those disappointments of life, there is a way in which that hurt can overcome the love of and pursuit of Christ in your life. We may not like the word, but when anything is more cherished, more loved, held more closely than the love of Christ, it is indeed an idol. Last night was once again, a lesson of this "trust in the Lord with all your heart." Annabeth's only goal right now is to make a 34 all-around to qualify for state. She had a great meet but ended up with a score of 33.975. Scooping her up after the meet was like a mommy bird trying to keep her little babies in the nest of comfort. She smiled, of course, and congratulated the girls that made state (She is the last one left on the team now without a qualification score) and then held out her arms to me with those little glistening tears in the corners of her beautiful blue eyes. And as I held her close, I prayed that the Lord would continue to show that He is supremely superior to all earthly achievements; to a little one just beginning her walk with Him and to her mother, who needs to continue to bow her knee asking to remember the absolute comfort of considering Christ in all moments of the life He has given us.
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