January 8, 2012
Sometimes Sundays are hard for me. This is difficult to admit as I love being a part of the body of Christ, being taught the truth of Scripture, and participating with other believers in the worship of my Savior, but sometimes my first thought Sunday mornings is, "I wish I had an invisibility suit." I could pass this thinking off as merely being a pastor's wife, and while there is definitely some legitimacy there, I think it really just comes down to my sinful preservation of self. If asked why I struggle in this area, the answers would all center around a simple but powerful word-"I." "I feel like I'm being scrutinized." "I feel like it's my responsibility to talk to everyone and make them feel at home." "I don't want to live up to everyone's expectations." Notice the recurrences of the one who is actually at fault in those sentences-little ol' me. My body of believers does a beautiful job of just letting me be me and yet I still have to fight the voice of the enemy that whispers all my "pastoral wife" failures every Sunday. But the truth is, nothing about worship is about me or my comfort. Worship is an incredible gift that the Holy God brings about in His children for His glory. It is our human way to attempt to even find words that give the slightest testimony to our God-Abba Father, Adonai, Creator, Almighty God, Father of Love and Mercy. When we gather to sing songs to our shared Savior, all the differences blend into one voice before the throne of God above. The Lord is so faithful in my corporate worship to overwhelm me with His love, to flood me with ways I can pray for my sisters and brothers in Christ, and to remind me of who I am called to worship-God and God alone. Today I give thanks for having the freedom to worship with other believers and for the Holy Spirit who takes these human utterances and puts them before the throne of the most holy and high God. What a beautiful gift!
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